A Derbyshirean Story

[tassietiger]

Well, I do like a challenge, as shown with my previous story on Zimbabwe which I may have accidentally lost, so, looking at the most recent 2005 database update, Derbyshire seem to be the worst team on the list. So I’ve decided to work my way up using the large abundance of (terr)ability, and the negative cashflow makes it even more fun I suppose. So, I hope you get as bored reading it as I did writing it.

[tassietiger]

Well another season, another four spoons it has been for Derbyshire lately, but they intend to put an end to that. By hiring rising star manager, known only as Nick (or Winifred to those who can’t pronounce Nick) as manager, they have literally turned over a new leaf. Disappointingly, they discovered the other side of the leaf was similar to the first one, but that is irrelevant to the article.

As manager, Nick’ opening statement was. “I’m hungry. Anywhere you can get food around here.”

The Club’s opening statement was something along the lines of: “Welcome to Derbyshire County Cricket Club. It’s good to have you aboard and we hope that you will lead us to many competition triumphs.” Very personal statement.

Judging based on all signs shown so far, not only should the other counties look out for this team, the record books too. Particularly one holding records like Lowest Scores, Most Ducks, and Most Inept Display of Ukranian Cossack Dancing.

[tassietiger]

Derbyshire were looking at getting a rich array of talent from the youth group leading up to 2002, but unfortunately they needed themselves to have a more rich array of money (i.e. more than -$7,000).

“Yes, these sorts of things are disappointing, but it’s all part and parcel of managing Derbyshire to have to put up with regular disappointments.” Nick said.

[tassietiger]

Manager’s Statement: “I think we have picked what probably is our most experienced side available, 8 of which have had first-class experience, and 6 of which are 10 first-class game veterans.

1. M Di Venuto ©
2. S Stubbings
3. C Bassano
4. B France
5. J Moss
6. J Chapman
7. T Friend
8. L Sutton
9. T Lungley
10. D Cork
11. K Dean

Pre-Match: Michael Di Venuto went out and called Heads in the toss, which turned out to be a good decision (quite a rare occurrence in Derbyshire). Unfortunately he wrecked it all by choosing to bat on a pitch that looked ready to erupt.

[_Ed_]

Brilliant stuff so far. Very entertaining, keep it up!

[steds]

Originally Posted by tassietiger

star manager, known only as Nick (or Winifred to those who can’t pronounce Nick)