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Battle of the Infamous Footballers
- Thread starter LongHopCassidy
- Start date
LongHopCassidy
International Captain
Round 1, Battle 3 results
Robin Friday - 4
Ron Atkinson - 2
Luis Suarez - 5
The PFA's favourite boy goes through.
Robin Friday - 4
Ron Atkinson - 2
Luis Suarez - 5
The PFA's favourite boy goes through.
LongHopCassidy
International Captain
Round 1, Battle 4
Joey Barton (Queens Park Rangers, England)
Crimes:
- Ran over and broke leg of a pedestrian at 2am while driving
- Stormed out of squad and refused to train after being dropped
- Punched out a 15-year-old while on preseason in Thailand
- Stubbed lit cigarette into eye of youth-team player
- Mooned Everton supporters while on pitch
- Assaulted Ousmane Dabo in dressing room, given six months' jail
- Punched Mordan Gamst Pederson in stomach while on pitch
- Cantona-ed Dickson Etuhu in the family jewels
- Bit of a tit, really
"Turns out this punchy little ****er was 15 years old! And his dad had him out drinking ’til 3am. Obviously, the press made it out as if I’d just attacked this innocent young kid, but he was out at three o’clock in the morning drinking in Thailand, and then he cracked me in the shin for no reason." - Barton on the Thailand incident
"Hate to say this but I struggle with Ed Milliband because of his lisp. Sorry leader of the country cannot have a speech impediment #lispist" - @joey7barton on Twitter
"I am not a monster. I don’t like fighting. But it’s human to defend yourself. Humans defend themselves, no?" - On the Dabo affair
"Joey has his own mind." - Stuart Pearce
"Still raging then? Still kicking out? And still, presumably, misunderstood? But only by yourself I suspect." - @GaryLineker to @joey7barton
Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid, Portugal)
Crimes:
- Compilation of dives (running time: 32 minutes)
- Egomaniac
- Erected museum to self in 2013
- Agreed with Sepp Blatter that his contract with Manchester United was tantamount to slavery
- Quite predictably, named son Cristiano Junior
- Defending champion of the Bellend D'Or
- Best tweet:
"Some fans keep booing and whistling at me because I'm handsome, rich and a great player. They envy me." - Ronaldo
"I am living a dream I never want to wake up from." - Ronaldo
"In the time I've been playing with Ronnie, the one thing I've noticed about him is that he can't walk past his reflection without admiring it, even if we're about to play a game of football." - Wayne Rooney
"He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – that would make us all feel better." - Ian Holloway
"Your car's too fast for you!" - Norwich fans to Ronaldo after he wrote off his Ferrari
Franck Ribéry (Bayern Munich, France)
Crimes:
- Did a statutory on an underage prostitute
- Led players' revolt at 2010 World Cup
- Bullied Yohann Gourcuff into international retirement (including refusing to pass to him in World Cup games)
- Attempted a Giggsian super-injunction against an unauthorised biography
- Outwitted by Alexander Buttner in Champion's League quarterfinal
- Slapped Dani Carvajal on-field in CL semi
- Just look at him, FFS
"Franck Ribéry is basically Gary Neville drawn by Picasso." - @BeardedGenius on Twitter
"(I will put the Ballon D'Or) above my mantelpiece, in the living room. My wife's prepared everything" - Ribery, eventually who came third
“I won everything, with the team and individually. Ronaldo won nothing. I feel I had earned this award. It’s all politics.’’ - Two weeks later
"Ribery, he continued to poison the group by his attitude as a susceptible diva. For everything Ribery stood for I would have gladly strung him up." - France manager Raymond Domenech
"Ribéry? One day, we had the stupidity to say that he was the brains of the team and since then he has believed it. He dribbles past seven players but then the eighth one takes the ball off him." - Just Fontaine
Joey Barton (Queens Park Rangers, England)
Crimes:
- Ran over and broke leg of a pedestrian at 2am while driving
- Stormed out of squad and refused to train after being dropped
- Punched out a 15-year-old while on preseason in Thailand
- Stubbed lit cigarette into eye of youth-team player
- Mooned Everton supporters while on pitch
- Assaulted Ousmane Dabo in dressing room, given six months' jail
- Punched Mordan Gamst Pederson in stomach while on pitch
- Cantona-ed Dickson Etuhu in the family jewels
- Bit of a tit, really
"Turns out this punchy little ****er was 15 years old! And his dad had him out drinking ’til 3am. Obviously, the press made it out as if I’d just attacked this innocent young kid, but he was out at three o’clock in the morning drinking in Thailand, and then he cracked me in the shin for no reason." - Barton on the Thailand incident
"Hate to say this but I struggle with Ed Milliband because of his lisp. Sorry leader of the country cannot have a speech impediment #lispist" - @joey7barton on Twitter
"I am not a monster. I don’t like fighting. But it’s human to defend yourself. Humans defend themselves, no?" - On the Dabo affair
"Joey has his own mind." - Stuart Pearce
"Still raging then? Still kicking out? And still, presumably, misunderstood? But only by yourself I suspect." - @GaryLineker to @joey7barton
Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid, Portugal)
Crimes:
- Compilation of dives (running time: 32 minutes)
- Egomaniac
- Erected museum to self in 2013
- Agreed with Sepp Blatter that his contract with Manchester United was tantamount to slavery
- Quite predictably, named son Cristiano Junior
- Defending champion of the Bellend D'Or
- Best tweet:
"Some fans keep booing and whistling at me because I'm handsome, rich and a great player. They envy me." - Ronaldo
"I am living a dream I never want to wake up from." - Ronaldo
"In the time I've been playing with Ronnie, the one thing I've noticed about him is that he can't walk past his reflection without admiring it, even if we're about to play a game of football." - Wayne Rooney
"He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – that would make us all feel better." - Ian Holloway
"Your car's too fast for you!" - Norwich fans to Ronaldo after he wrote off his Ferrari
Franck Ribéry (Bayern Munich, France)
Crimes:
- Did a statutory on an underage prostitute
- Led players' revolt at 2010 World Cup
- Bullied Yohann Gourcuff into international retirement (including refusing to pass to him in World Cup games)
- Attempted a Giggsian super-injunction against an unauthorised biography
- Outwitted by Alexander Buttner in Champion's League quarterfinal
- Slapped Dani Carvajal on-field in CL semi
- Just look at him, FFS
"Franck Ribéry is basically Gary Neville drawn by Picasso." - @BeardedGenius on Twitter
"(I will put the Ballon D'Or) above my mantelpiece, in the living room. My wife's prepared everything" - Ribery, eventually who came third
“I won everything, with the team and individually. Ronaldo won nothing. I feel I had earned this award. It’s all politics.’’ - Two weeks later
"Ribery, he continued to poison the group by his attitude as a susceptible diva. For everything Ribery stood for I would have gladly strung him up." - France manager Raymond Domenech
"Ribéry? One day, we had the stupidity to say that he was the brains of the team and since then he has believed it. He dribbles past seven players but then the eighth one takes the ball off him." - Just Fontaine
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Tom Halsey
International Coach
Barton by miles. Absolute ****. Also did his bit to hand Citeh the title in 2012 which I am still bitter about.
HeathDavisSpeed
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Agreed. Barton hands down.
BoyBrumby
Englishman
Barton, clearly. Strong contender for the overall pennant, IMHO.
The intellectual pretensions throw his inner ****ishness into sharper focus. Any prick with Google and five seconds to spare can C&P a couple of lines from Thus Spake Zarathustra; to combine it with a working class chippiness, massive self regard and barely controlled thuggery is borderline (anti-)genius.
The intellectual pretensions throw his inner ****ishness into sharper focus. Any prick with Google and five seconds to spare can C&P a couple of lines from Thus Spake Zarathustra; to combine it with a working class chippiness, massive self regard and barely controlled thuggery is borderline (anti-)genius.
fredfertang
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
Gutted that I didn't see this in time to cast a vote for Robin Friday - saw his daughter the other day - she's a criminal defence lawyer in West London, but I didn't let on I knew who she was - I often wonder what the old man would have made of her career choice, not for long though
grecian
Cricket Web: All-Time Legend
C'mon no-one can be expected to keep up with all Joey's indiscretions
GIMH
Norwood's on Fire
I don't think Joey Barton represents anything about football other than he is half-decent at it.
Furball
Evil Scotsman
Barton by a mile.
Ronaldo does heaps of work for charity, no way he should be on this list. Recently came to light that he'd paid in the region of £50k for a kid to have surgery - he became aware of the kid because someone wrote to him to ask for a pair of boots or some kit that they could auction off to help raise money for the kid. Instead of donating that, he just paid for the surgery himself.
Ronaldo does heaps of work for charity, no way he should be on this list. Recently came to light that he'd paid in the region of £50k for a kid to have surgery - he became aware of the kid because someone wrote to him to ask for a pair of boots or some kit that they could auction off to help raise money for the kid. Instead of donating that, he just paid for the surgery himself.
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