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Thread: *Official* CW XI Media Coverage

  1. #1786
    BARNES OUT dontcloseyoureyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samuel_Vimes View Post
    Good luck winning a trophy that counts with Black though. It might take a while.
    Great call.
    The one, the only CW Black
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        Smacked the ball straight into the groin of Iwuajoku who has fallen over, 
        miraculously with the ball still caught in his scrotal area! Out!

  2. #1787
    International Vice-Captain andruid's Avatar
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    Cwebber's tour Disaster

    North American tour in jeopardy as Cwebland named state sponsor of terrorism

    Following a media blackout leaked reports indicate that the entire the OD squad of Cricket Web 'A' has been taken into custody for the terrifying nature of the performances. An unnamed source claims that following their second win in a row over Canada, the team was intercepted by a crack team of CIA agents and state troopers on their way back to the team hotel. Attempts by Cwebland's diplomatic corp to secure their release have so far revealed that the entire sting operation was ordered by the US dept of homeland security after it began raining cricket balls labelled "CWXI vs. Canada OD game" in various northern states including New York, Delaware and Illinois. It was further learnt that because Cwebland finances and operates the leagues where the young Cwebbers gained their tremendous cricket ball hitting abilities that the stat be named a sponsor of terrorist activities. Nothing is known of the team's location except for a non-substantiated rumour claiming they are being moved to a holding facility in Salt Lake City, Utah in a convoy of amoured trucks.

    Nothing is known as yet of the fate of the players who were part of the FC squad though it is believed that some may have escaped the police dragnet and gone into hiding.
    Last edited by andruid; 19-01-2009 at 04:42 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by fredfertang View Post
    Why don't the boxers have any head protection any more?
    Quote Originally Posted by BoyBrumby View Post
    Burgey submitted a class action suggesting they harden the **** up.

  3. #1788
    Request Your Custom Title Now! Mr Mxyzptlk's Avatar
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    Sounds true enough to me. Scary times.
    Sreesanth said, "Next ball he was beaten and I said, 'is this the King Charles Lara? Who is this impostor, moving around nervously? I should have kept my mouth shut for the next ball - mind you, it was a length ball - Lara just pulled it over the church beyond the boundary! He is a true legend."


  4. #1789
    cpr
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    From Green To Orange

    Tour Captain Faces Uncertain Future


    CW A captain and Greens alrounder Martyn Corrin faces an uncertain future tonight due to developments in the CWland Terrorist scenario. An unnamed CIA source, known only by his codename 'Doesnt Gag' stated that new evidence is coming to light that Corrin is the ringleader behind plots to destroy key windows in the USA. Interestingly, the source of the new infomation is rumoured to come from within CWLand itself.

    Having spoken to neighbours of Mr Corrin, this story may have a grounding in reality. One neighbour, who wished to remain anonymous, didnt respond to the allegations with much praise for Corrin


    'Face it, the guys a ****. Wouldnt be surprised if he's behind this. Of course he's not the main assailant, he doesnt have the skill for that. No he'll be getting that young boy Read from no 27 to do his dirty work. Poor boys scared of the ****er.'

    Ever since CW Green captain Matthew Mitchell left for his talent scouting mission in the Antartic rainforest, things have apparently been getting worse. The same neighbour stated

    'Oh aye, little **** thinks he owns the place, thinks he's invincible. Thing is, he's always boasting about exactly this sort of terrorist behaviour. Amount of times i've heard a 'Pah, come back when you've smashed 251 mate' banded about. Knocks me sick to think of it'

    Asked if he thinks anyone might have a vendetta against Mr Corrin, and spreading unfounded allegations, the neighbour screamed 'VENDETTA? against that ******* ****, theres no need, i'm twice the spin alrounder he is, he should be locked away for life, ****ing **** **** **** stain **** face. **** off my lawn, your leaving footprints on the square'




    Mr Corrins lawyer is unavailable for comment, due to being in hiding for fear of his life
    "All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher." - Ambrose Bierce
    Langeveldt: I of course blame their parents.. and unchecked immigration!
    GingerFurball: He's Austrian, they tend to produce the odd ****ed up individual
    Burgey: Be careful dealing with neighbours whose cars don't have wheels but whose houses do.
    Uppercut: Maybe I just need better strippers


  5. #1790
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  6. #1791
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
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    IS THIS CORRIN?

    After recent allegations made against the man generally described as the "Sobers of CWLand" Martyn Corrin had gone into hiding. However, our sources believe we may have spotted him today, in disguise:



    It is not clear whether Corrin (if it is indeed him) was wearing the mask to hide from the press, or to cover his facial hair which CW Black skipper Dan Smith is believed to have made fun of in a recent memo. If it is the latter, he has failed in a manner which only Chris Raftery could emphasise with.
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    RIP Craigos. A true CW legend. You will be missed.

  7. #1792
    cpr
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    An Apology


    The Cricketweb Herald would like to apologise for an article printed yesterday that used the words Corrin and Sober in the same sentance. The writer will be taken outside and have cricket balls thrown at him by Heath Davis untill dead, or untill monday, whicheve is earlier

  8. #1793
    JJD Heads Athlai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cpr View Post
    An Apology


    The Cricketweb Herald would like to apologise for an article printed yesterday that used the words Corrin and Sober in the same sentance. The writer will be taken outside and have cricket balls thrown at him by Heath Davis untill dead, or untill monday, whicheve is earlier
    Will have to wait till Monday till one pitches on TBH.
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  9. #1794
    International Coach PhoenixFire's Avatar
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    Haha cpr, pure gold.
    Quote Originally Posted by Top_Cat View Post
    1) Had double pneumonia as a kid, as did my twin sis. Doctors told my parents to pray that we lived through the night. Dad said **** off, I'm an atheist, you ****s better save my kids, etc. Then prayed anyway.

  10. #1795
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GeraintIsMyHero View Post
    IS THIS CORRIN?

    After recent allegations made against the man generally described as the "Sobers of CWLand" Martyn Corrin had gone into hiding. However, our sources believe we may have spotted him today, in disguise:



    It is not clear whether Corrin (if it is indeed him) was wearing the mask to hide from the press, or to cover his facial hair which CW Black skipper Dan Smith is believed to have made fun of in a recent memo. If it is the latter, he has failed in a manner which only Chris Raftery could emphasise with.
    FFS missed out on an edit by 3 minutes, clearly should have said empathise

  11. #1796
    International Vice-Captain andruid's Avatar
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    Obama Saves Tour
    Signals break from past policies with presidential pardon

    In the past few hours reports have been leaking from the White House that newly sworn in Head of State, Barrack Obama, will issue a pardon on the entire Cweb OD team believed to be held in custody in a storage facility Toadsuck, Nebraska.

    Though earlier reports indicated that the One Day squad were being driven to Utah, it has since emerged that they were in fact secretely flown out of Canada in an enourmous wooden crate which was parachuted down into the facilities in Toadsuck in the small hours of Tuesday morning.



    The crate believed to have been used to move the cweb team.

    It is thought by some that the arrest of th Cwebbers was the much anticipated International crisis expected early in the Obama administration by senior aides including Vice President Joe Biden and it is believed that, having been ade aware of the Cwebber's intentions to play in the US, Obama was quick to order the immediate release of the team citing a need to worry about more pressing issues. It is still not known whether Cwebland will be removed from the list of state sponsors of terrorism, whether President Obama or any of his government will attend CW 'A' tour gaes or the whereabouts of at least 4 members of the FC squad.
    Last edited by andruid; 21-01-2009 at 03:49 PM.

  12. #1797
    International Captain Loony BoB's Avatar
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    Problematic 'm' key?

    Obama, saving the world! Was expecting the 2m unemployed Brits to be back in jobs the next day but apparently this whole 'change' thing takes time. What a con.
    REMEMBER: A couple of years in therapy, you'll get over it.

    Proud to be a member of the CW Colts


  13. #1798
    International Vice-Captain andruid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loony BoB View Post
    Problematic 'm' key?

    Yep that and the left arrow

  14. #1799
    Eternal Optimist / Cricket Web Staff Member GIMH's Avatar
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    Breaking News - Corrin and Smith Come to Blows

    Reports are coming through that Dev League superstars Martyn Corrin and Dan Smith recently came to blows at a CWLand airport. They were awaiting flights to Sri Lanka and Australia respectively. It is not clear what they were fighting about, although rumour has it that it may be to do with potential transfers ahead of the next Dev League season. Corrin is the unofficial vice-captain of Green while Smith captains the CWLand champions, Black. Additionally both have recently captained the CW A team.

    The fight did not progress too far before it was broken up, neither of the men appeared to be hurt. When asked for comment, Corrin said, "it was nothing really, he accused me of being in on some Russian mafia scam that's been going round, I told him to bite my orange, that was that."

    Smith is as of yet unavailable for comment.
    Last edited by GIMH; 17-05-2009 at 12:50 PM.

  15. #1800
    Hall of Fame Member superkingdave's Avatar
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    Air Rage Corrin Abuses Stewardess
    Passengers call cricketer 'loose cannon'

    Beleaguered 'all-rounder' Martyn Corrin was at the center of another controversy just hours after attacking Dan Smith at CWland airport. Corrin reportedly became abusive after being refused service by stewardesses on a Webair flight to Port of Spain. The Green players was according to passengers 'clearly angry' on boarding the plane and his behaviour only deteriated as he proceeded to down spirits from the drink trolley.

    One Onlooker, a Mr Rogers from Clowich, commented "he kept muttering stuff like 'next time' and 'its got to end.' My wife was quite worried, he looked like a caged animal."

    Matters came to a head when hostesses decided he'd had enough. Corrin reportedly roared "Don't you know who I am? How many double hundred's have you scored from no 8?" later adding "Unbeaten, unbeaten I tell you"


    How cricketer Corrin might have looked

    Sources indicate the Pilot was considering diverting the plane, but decided against it when fellow CW cricketers on the plane managed to subdue Mr Corrin. Fellow passengers were left shocked and upset by the outbursts.

    Whilst it remains to be seen what consequences the incident brings, Mr Rogers opinion was categorical "They should throw the book at him, they shouldn't be allowed to behave like that"
    Dave Mohammed >>>> You



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