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Thread: Looking for a home

  1. #16
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    The Grager Break

    Mr M. Grager, (I hope you do not object to me using your initial)
    As you would no doubt be aware from all of my previous posts I have some latent interests in some clubs in Australia. Upon reading this so called "Grager Break" I am intreagued as to the potential of such a delivery.
    You state in your post that this aforementioned ball has dismissed the illustrious "Goathearer" and as a result my interest has been aroused.
    Are you available (a sizable cash payment is not out of the question) to work with a small number of the young developing spinners at my club to attempt to impart some of your skill and knowledge as to this revolutionary ball.
    I believe it would be most most useful in the 3rd Conference where there is a definate suseptibility to quality spinning variation.
    It saddens me that our other collegues on this site seem to be dismissing you with a lighthearted nature and cannot fully appreciate the magnitude of such a ball. I thought they were committed to the development of our great game as we are.
    I can be contacted at jeremy@noodleinn.com.au . I look forward to hearing from you to discuss terms and conditions of what I see as being an integral role within the 3rd Conference in season 2004/2004.
    Yours in cricket

    Haggers

  2. #17
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    Thanks

    Haggers,

    Thank you for your staunch assistance in the launching of my new delivery. During the recent cat flu epidemic there was a distinct shortage of dim sims available from the Foo Mun but Jeremy has been of great assistance in providing a manufactured replacement he discovered in the back streets of Kooching.
    Good luck to all the batsman out there that don't take this ball seriously, you are in for a rude awakening. What rule are you going to plead to thumpire? "No way thats not out he put me off with a dim sim made of cat meat". The thumpire will deem you dillusional and commit you to seven fixtures with JT's yorath.
    Has anyone heard from Shane Lavender? He owes me a Coulthard.
    Mick the Barman

  3. #18
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    Mick

    i am one of many learned wardians who are worried that the recent ceremonial defacing of the world renowned Foo Win Restuarant means that development of the Grager Break is on hold. Can you indicate any contingency plans should the supply of dim sims dry up??

    Sincerely,

    Yarnos

    P.s. the Moscow Mule is definiately the next big thing on the circoot.

  4. #19
    Soutie Langeveldt's Avatar
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    Brilliant, we should advertise this thread in OT.. classic...
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    Thanks Dick Smith. Will remember to subscribe to your newsletter for more electronic fun facts.

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  5. #20
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    Langers ( I hope you do not mind me calling you Langers) as in Langerveldt.

    Fistly are you any relation to the South poosy opeing Batsman of the same name or the entrepeneurial D Langerveldt of Eagle boys fame?

    What is this OT of which you speak and have you come across any such delivery (ie Grager Break) in your travels around the home of Cricket.

    I am interested to know if this delivery has been patented in any of the conferences in your fair land.

    Looking forward to your reply and to any others who may have witnessed what is certain to revolutionise our game.

    Regards

    Haggers

  6. #21
    International Debutant DJellett's Avatar
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    Mmmm....Foo Win Dim Sim's
    Dylan Hooper-Jellett
    CWCA Chairman

    Want to be the next Bradman - of the forum?
    Simmed Cricket. Real Fun.
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    Melicous? Is that a nasty, yet tasty, comment?

  7. #22
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    Haggers

    Some reputable contacts on the WCG have pointed me in the direction of a promising young cricketer called Ravi Kumar. Apparently he snared 6/60 on a bunsen a few years back (enough said). Not only this but he is also a flamboyant batsman of some pedigree with a propensity for the whipster. Noted judges have compared his batting to "The Wall" and his thoff breaking to the one and only GR Robertson.

    The only delivery young Ravi lacks in his armoury is in fact the now world famous Grager Break, however the lad is keen to learn and if it could be organised, a series of workshops with Mr M Grager himself would be of genuine value to the lad. He is keen to learn the nuances of the Grager Break and his dedication to his cricket is only matched by his love of a stiff VRB.

    Sincerely,

    Yarnos

  8. #23
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    The Grager Break (Patent 123546)

    Learned enthusiasts,

    You will be pleased to know that I have just received confirmation from my Patent Attorney, MR TL Archibald of Combined Insurance, Smash Repairs and Patent Legalities Pty Ltd, that I have been successful in Patenting the Grager Break so no other individual can use this delivery without my prior permission.

    Langers (As Haggers so affectionately and poignantly refers to you as), do you bowl steady seam up meds with a hint of late thoutswing? I expect you are very much in the mould of the former England Med, Mr Ed Giddins who destroyed a full strength Robert Mugabe Zimbabwean Chicken Farmers 11 at Lords two years ago and who sold me my Christmas Tree last year as part of his new business venture. Mr Langeveldt I am interested in your Adrian (Kuiper) youth, in particular the league (or Conference) you currently play in and your future aspirations. As part of my role at Gosnells I do some consulting work with the Armadale Amateur third league soccer side so kindly sponsored by the Courier Driving Fraternity of Beckenham. Perhaps you are interested in this as our overseas player?

    Haggers and I both look forward to your learned response.
    All the Best and have an Emu Export on me boys.
    Mick the Barman

  9. #24
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    Tommy 'ansell Magical Mystery Tour, June 2004

    Dear learned ('learn-ed' - for my antipodean brethren) colleagues

    it is with great joy and delight that I am able to report on my recent and profoundly successful tour of Middlesex, Sussex and minor counties. As a student of the Tommy 'ansell hybrid of the great game (that's cricket BTW), it was with great delight that I discovered in the on-line Bishop's-Sodsbury Gazette, a small, tasteful advertisement, littered with spelling and grammatical errors, for a 5 week tour of the UK and north-western Europe, paying homage to the cricketing life and times of the great T.K.D.T.G. 'ansell (or 'Tommy conny' as he was more affectionately known).

    Departing early June, the agenda was thaction-packed. We (there were at least 5 of us on the tour at different times) were first taken to the birthplace of Thomas Keith Damian Tobias Geoffrey 'ansell; born out of wedlock on the 27th of May, 1953, in town of Weltshire (pop. 321, mostly pig farmers, philatelists and atheists ministers). Little known fact: apparently, the proliferation of forenames is in honour of his mother’s previous suitors. From here, we were shown the backstreets and cow paddocks where a young Tommy developed his passion and flare for game not oft’ seen in this part of Britain. The ground where he first graced the cricketing public with his unique brand of doggedly ('dogg-ed-ly' - for my antipodean brethren), dour, defensive left-hand forward blocks and nicks backward of point, was bathed in a cold, awe-inspiring mist on the crisp June morn’ whence we arrived. It was on this ground on a cool day in July,1967, that the young Tommy first showed his marvellous array of strokes to flay the visiting North Mymm’s 5th IX (two chaps phoned in sick that morning apparently) attack for spectacular 17 off 7 times as many balls, to lead his Weltshire side to an imposing target of 7 for 102 off their 53 overs in rather trying conditions. Later that afternoon, the audience saw their first glimpses of the multi-facetted talent that is T.K.D.T.G. 'ansell, when, after injury plagued the Hedgehogs’ opening, first and second change bowling attack, he was thrown the ball by his late captain, Geoffrey Davidson-Sidebottom of Hove Albion III. At this moment, Tommy’s unique brand of left-arm back-spin and modest thoffbreak bowling came to the four. With his side facing a crushing defeat, tommy dramatically reduced the Mymm’s batting line-up to a precession finishing with 1 for 39 off his 3 overs, ultimately saving his side from an innings defeat.

    From here we were taken to the technical colleague in Sussex where Tommy completed a Higher National Certificate in latex manufacturing and for whom Tommy lead their previously modest third league side to unprecedented success in the Bovril and Marmite 9th division Sussex and Channel Islands cricket league in the summers of 1973-74-76 (*1975 saw Tommy take a break from the game he loved to pursue his other great love, pharmaceutical bandaging). This period was the most prolific of Tommy’s (some may say: ‘oh-so-short’) career where he compiled several scores in the low 20s often at a strike rate in excess of 37.375 and shrewdly captain a side once considered to be brimming with enthusiasm but little else.

    Week three of our journey took us across ‘the tidal pool’ to the fairer, flatter and remarkably uninteresting shores of the Netherlands. It was here Tommy carved out a semi-professional career with Waddenzee CC (the Dykes) as opening batsmen/nightwatchman and part-time back-spin bowler: 597 runs @ 19.2 and 31 wkts @ 48.5 in 5 seasons I think, speaks for itself. Highlights in this leg of our journey took us to the site of arguably Tommy’s greatest innings, 42 n.o. on a grassless matting deck against the ferocious Utrecht third XI opening attack, featuring a willowy left-tharmer by the name of Jan Ulrich van der Gaamenshous. For 3 furious hours the pair battled with Tommy taking the honours after nudging his team to 97 all out at the close of play.

    Whilst Tommy’s dalliance with Middlesex Haddock and Fries second XI was glossed over at trip’s end, I can recommend this tour without a shadow-of-a-doubt (©Michael Housebricks, season 2001-2002) to any keen disciples of the Tommy ‘ansell forward defensive philosophy. Any bookings can be made through a tremendous chap of extremely high calibray, Daniel M.P. Waters and his promotional group AIG International - Daniel.Waters@aig.com.

    Should anyone want further information, please don’t hesitate to enter into some sort of dialogue.

    Regards

    Terry Yorath

    Position Midfielder
    Born 27 Mar 1950, Cardiff (Wales)
    Height 177 cm
    Weight 69 kg
    International Caps Wales: 59 full

    Club From To Apps Goals Sold for
    Leeds United
    01 Apr 1967 01 Aug 1976 196 12 £125000
    Coventry City
    01 Aug 1976 01 Aug 1979 99 3 £300000
    Tottenham Hotspur
    01 Aug 1979 01 Jun 1982 48 1
    Bradford City
    01 Dec 1982 01 May 1986 27 0 £0 (my lowest point in my career)
    Swansea City
    01 May 1986 01 Jun 1987 1 0

  10. #25
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    Dear Terry

    I cannot even begin to describe the obvious enthusiasm and excitement that came over my uncle (Edwardos) when I relayed to him your post of the day just gone. As arguably your greatest supporter uncle Ed has followed and tracked your career with fanatical passion, and news that you had posted on this prestigious website provided a look on his face that for all the world he had just ejaculated. Upon hearing this important news he began to tell me about your brilliant career, especially how you carved up QPR at a blustery Loftus Road in '76 shortly before your departure to Maine Road. He also mentioned a time when your honourable self had a wee bit too much libation which culminated in a visit to the infamous Presidents Palace - a place with questionable morals and where a simple fry-up after a training fixture can lead into something genuinely more sinister such as a rear admiral.
    Regarding the 'Ansell Mystery Tour - this no doubt was a high point of your life, certainly would have surpassed your dalliance with Swansea city. I am interested in details of any trou (they don't call me the Greek God for nothing ), a synopsis of the different kinds of bread consumed during the tour (e.g. turkish, white, multigrain etc) and details of any trips to nail production factories (can you confirm whether liquid nails are a possible goatherder?)
    I just want to repeat again how much you continue to provide enjoyment to old wardians such as uncle Ed and hope that whatever your next venture is at this juncture of life provides you with more enlightenment than a fourth league fixture at Rats Reserve with the unamousing, recalcitrant and obnoxious 'Ansell.

    Sincerely

    Yarnos

  11. #26
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    Yarnos (I hope you dont mind me calling you Yarnos whilst not to neglect such a formidable sir name as Theoros, however I believe it provides a more intimate forum for discussion. Please feel free to refer to me as Hags.)

    I too was impressed with the breif synopsis provided as to 'Ansell however the concerning factor for a purist like myself is the referal to this cricketing magician in the past tense. I am of the opinion that a player of such greatness still has his best years ahead of him (though it may be at a level lower than any conference I have ever witnessed)

    What has been made blatently clear (thanks to Terry Yorath) to me however is 'what this chap has put back into the game' and this my learned fellows is what the Uncle Eds of this great cricketing world are illuding to with their passionate displays of emotion when the reverened name of 'Ansell is muttered from the long room at Lords to the players bar at The Red Windmill.

    This my fellow cricketing Nuffys is what we all search a lifetime for and few achieve it is termed "Cricketing Imortality" or "packing it".

    I now leave you with this thought to ponder "How do we write ourselves into the cricketing annuls as has this inspirational human 'Ansell"

    Looking forward greatly to our next installment.

    Hags.

  12. #27
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    The overshadowing of Sir ET Marshall (Eddy)

    Dear Mr Yoruth (Youth with an R for those purists of literature)

    Thank you for your eloquent description of the life and times of Mr Ansell. This much revered pillar of cricketing society has seemingly left a lasting impression on the lower echelons of this great game.

    However, I must convey my utter dissatisfaction at the lack of attention Eddy Marshall has received in this forum given his life long achievements. For those of you who are unaware of this man feats, he is infamous for the attempted rescue of Ken Dodd who was tragically run over by the Atwell Express 183 Bus on Canning Highway. Marshall displayed unparralled bravery in attempting to lift the bus with his bare hands and free Dodd's body from beneath the reckage. Unfortunately the attempt was unsuccesful given the shear weight of the bus and the fact that Marshall lost both his arms in a boating accident some years prior. Dodd was pronounced Dead at the scene and Marshall committed to the rectory for mental assessment.

    More recently Marshall has been synonomous with the capture of suspected Al Quada leader Mr Rookie Jayasankara, former pilot for Janadakot Jets Under 13 Amateur Bowling Club sponsored by the Ray Mansfield Green. After pursuing Mr Jayasankara to the back streets of South Lake with the assistance of the local ropey real estate agent, Marshall subdued the preacher who was heard to be screaming the name. 'Arnie Winnaslogger'. If anyone has any information whatsover on this said character please contact Mr Zinadine Zidane of French Gibson Intelligence.

    Thanks for your time, Last Drinks
    Mick the barman

  13. #28
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    Mick,

    I actually delivered the tribute to Mr Dodd at his funeral some time ago. It was a celebration of a lifetime of success and his 14 third conference fixtures for Josnells.

    His ashes were spread over the hallowed turf of Sutherlands II and rolled into the wicket by PK as was his dying request to Mr ET Marshall.

    A simple yet touching tribute.

    Hags

  14. #29
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    Fellow learned cricketing scholars,

    I would also like to get in contact with Mr Zinadine Zidane of French Gibson Intelligence - on a separate matter to the aforementioned Rookshan Jayasekera, former Rat tearaway & suspected current terrorist (bowls a mean DAF Mark 4 splizner grenade off 32 steps).
    I am using this respected forum to report the disappearance of fourteen Kenyan marathon runners at Rats Reserve and surrounding 'hoods, who were partaking in the world famous Hard Wicket 6.2 in preparation for the forthcoming Athens Olympics. This conglommerate of individuals was last seen being turfed into a beige Gemini parked behind the liqaqious "Shed" at the WDCC.
    They were all wearing de castella style '83 high addidas three stripe hipster running trunks (in proud support of "Worlds Best") and "Carlovers" tee shirts.
    If anyone has any thinformation on the whereabouts of these yoraths please alert Mr Zidane, or failing that a Mr Ramesh Sumasundran (profilic acquirer of miles in the vicinity of Rats Reserve and former explosive opening batsman in a mould eerily reminiscent of Kris Srikkanth) who lives only an 'Ansell cover drive away.

    Sincerely,

    Yarnos

  15. #30
    Soutie Langeveldt's Avatar
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    Let me say it is a pleasure to converse on this fine evening...

    You can call me Langers if you wan't, just as long as it isnt confused with antipodean tubthumper "Justin"

    As for my own cricketing credentials, well I am a tall legspinner, likened to a "stretch-Macgill" who can weild the willow given a crisis point to weild in. As a batsman of Ganga-esque aestheticness I value style before substance, and a series of pleasing knocks at number seven have led to a pillageing of the drool mop cuboard by opposition revellers.

    I have patented a new delivery, as yet un-named (I need a sponsor), which involves a stock legspinner pitching by the metatarsal of the unwitting non-striker, and after a Fraseresque kick at the ground which can be detected in various backwaters from Toowoomba to Amzimtoti, the ball is sent fizzing at a rate of knots towards the base of leg stump, and the batsperson is convincingly befuddled..

    My regards, and I can be contacted on the main fora, or by electronic pidgeon at rhingston@hotmail.com

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