Really Bad Cricketers

[Bijed]

Thanks to a couple of good posts by a massive zebra and fredfertang in the 'cricketers with interesting records' thread, I have recently become aware of the existence of a pair of frankly terrible cricketers, and I want to find more. Post here the cricketers you know of with records so bad it's almost unbelievable.

Sir Julien Cahn

First-class career summary: 6 matches, 70 runs @ 10.00, HS of 17; 2 wickets @ 74.5, best of 1/1Perhapsbest known for forming the Julien Cahn XI - one of the most successful private teams - Sir Julien Cahn's undoubted enthusiasm for the game was sadly not matched by any great ability (though tbf that goes for a lot of us on here, myself included). That said, he did have his moments in non-FC matches.

Claim to fame: Once stormed off the pitch to sack his chauffeur after his inflatable pads deflated at the start of an innings.


Benjamin Aislabie

First-class career summary: 56 matches, 224 runs @ 3.15, HS of 15*; never bowled
His cricinfo biography begins "Benjamin Aislabie was quite possibly one of the worst first-class cricketers of all time". I'm not sure why they needed to say 'quite possibly', but other than that, nail on head. Apparently he was equally bad as MCC secretary.

Claim to fame: Towards the end of the career he had a permanent runner who also acted as a permanent sub fielder for him, as he was too fat to fulfill either of these duties himself.

 

[fredfertang]

Decent keeper but you can't ignore Seymour Clark's batting prowess

 

[Howe_zat]

Mark Lawrence, who played 30 first-class matches for Oxford in the 1980s, averaged 4 with the bat and 70 with the ball.

Mark Lawrence's first-class career statistics make less than impressive reading, and in five seasons in and out of the Oxford University side his 42 wickets came at a rate of one every 20 or so overs and at a cost of 70 each. He described himself as the "least bad left arm spinner at the University" and that was probably close to the mark.

 

[Howe_zat]

India's answer to Julien Cahn is of course the Maharajah of Vizianagram, who showed what a bit of cash could really do by making himself the national captain. A high score of 19 and an average of 8 on India's first ever Test tour, which presumably raised concerns in hindsight that his first class average of 18 might not have been enough.

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

There were a few from my local club team.....too numerous to mention.

 

[Gob]

roy gilchrist

 

[fredfertang]

My favourite Seymour Clark story:-

Two of the nine noughts were against Yorkshire at Bradford

In the first innings he came to the crease in the middle of a Wilfred Rhodes over. He popped one up to silly mid off first up but was dropped. He somehow avoided dismissal off the next two. His partner played out the next over before it was Clark v Rhodes again. Our hero somehow kept out the first ball but from the second silly mid off made no mistake - Rhodes, 52 years of age with more than 4,000 wickets to his name and not noted for his sense of humour, put his arm round Clark and said "Eeh I'm glad I got thee then, tha were just starting to get on top o' me"

There was no Rhodes for Clark to face in the second innings. He came out to be greeted by Bill Bowes and Frank Dennis - Dennis was Len Hutton's brother in law and as quick as Bowes. Legend has it that Clark was so worried he dropped his bat twice on his walk to the middle. He was determined to do his best though and made a point of having a conference with the non-striker before going to the crease to take guard and after that ostentatiously patting the wicket for several seconds before allowing Dennis, no doubt pawing away at the end of his run up, to resume. In Clark's own words "as he ran to the wicket he took a tremendous leap in the air, and to this day I am prepared to swear the rush of wind he engendered blew the stumps out of the ground - certainly I never saw the ball"

 

[fredfertang]

India's answer to Julien Cahn is of course the Maharajah of Vizianagram, who showed what a bit of cash could really do by making himself the national captain. A high score of 19 and an average of 8 on India's first ever Test tour, which presumably raised concerns in hindsight that his first class average of 18 might not have been enough.

Vizzy was the Ten Dollar Carl of his age compared with his predecessor, the Maharajah of Porbandar

 

[Bijed]

From cricinfo

The Maharaja of Porbandar assumed the title as ruler of the small state of Kathiawar. on the death of his father in 1908 aged seven, ascending to the throne in 1920. A keen cricketer, he was handicapped by being almost useless.

 

[smash84]

Mohammad Sami.

A bowling average of 50+

 

[SillyCowCorner1]

Fails in comparison to Rubel Hossain- the Test Cricketer.

 

[Burner]

Haha, you could really make a movie about the Maharajas' cricket careers.. Or their attempt at having a cricket career. I love how these guys have a profile on cricinfo, not holding back too.

 

[OverratedSanity]

From cricinfo

Yeah that writeup is great but you missed out this bit:

He scored two runs on the whole trip, provoking the quite justified comment that he owned more Rolls Royces than he had made runs.

 

[madrid2000]

Asghar Stanikzai - Afghanistan Captain. I don't know how this guy keep being selected and not only that he is the captain as well. Poor fitness and very poor fielder. Specialist batsman averaging 22 with strike rate of 65 and he plays mostly against associates. Has to be one of the worst active.

 

[mr_mister]

Has made a few handy contributions though ^

 

[Red]

Benjamin Aislabie

The end of his cricinfo profile states, quite succinctly:

He was also, among other posts, Custodian of the MCC Snuffbox.

Wonderful!

 

[Pratters]

Vikram Rathour.

 

[ImpatientLime]

the legend that is adrian shankar that lied his way into county cricket. my favourite lie being....

Doubts about his age also circulated at Lancashire, with rumours saying his was 3 years older than he claimed he was. Sutton confronted Shankar on these rumours, and when asked why the rumours existed, Shankar claimed he was on a life support machine for the first three years of his life, saying this made his body physically three years younger than it was.

 

[Burgey]

Amazing

 

[vcs]

From cricinfo

Sounds like something out of a P. G. Wodehouse book.