umpire jokes

[Hodgey]

As the batsmen passed the man in the white coat, he said, "That was never LBW - you need glasses."
And the man in the white coat replied, "so do you mate, I'm selling ice-cream."

The captain of a team says to the Umpire, "My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking." The Umpire says, "No." The captain says, "Well we think you're an asshole, then."

 

[Lach]

man, where you pulling all these from? they're funny as!

 

[yaju]

Keep them up :-).

You know what a sardar umpire will do when India will hit a six? He will do Bhangra!

 

[Punjabistan]

LOL ROFL so true Bhangra lol

 

[Kimbo]

What happens when a player loses his eyesight?
He becomes an umpire.

 

[lord_of_darkness]

this is what my coach /umpire said to one of my team mates in club cricket when he had the ball and was getting ready to bowl

" Please dont rub it that hard , u might tear it "

Once of the real fast bowlers was getting ready to bowl he wasnt looking at the ump and he starts running , with his face towards the ground ... The batsmen moves and the ump sticks his hand out and it hits the bowler plum on the neck it was funny cause the bowler went down with a massive thud and then the umpire doesnt go sorry he goes " Ahh Dead Ball "

 

[yaju]

Poor bowler :undecided:.

 

[FrontierPsychiartrist]

Funny, but it also makes u think

 

[lord_of_darkness]

yea... it got him right plum on the neck went down so fast

 

[Linkin_17]

the 1 thing is dat dat some empires don't know how to give out to the LBW decission
n they even get scared of the spectators so if it is out they do not give out :P :P :P :P

thank you

 

[FrontierPsychiartrist]

I noe da feelin

 

[lord_of_darkness]

yup ive been the victim of those many sad decisions :-(

 

[FrontierPsychiartrist]

I heard a story of a player giving an umpire some glasses...

 

[Anon2]

There's this joke about how to get an LBW decision from Shakoor Rana, the Indian umpire. This is what you need to say to him instead of Howzat, "Where's Allah!" He points to the sky, the batsman walks.

 

[FrontierPsychiartrist]

Haha, lol...

Might try dat!

 

[Anon2]

Only do it if the umpire looks like he comes from India! try it on David Shepherd... if he's awake.

 

[Neil Pickup]

Or, what's the only way any of Caistor's Junior Teams can go in the league...

 

[R_Powell_fan]

Here's another one:

A cricketer was so displeased with the decision to give him out that he kept pacing up and down the pavilion until the umpires got irritated and went to him...
Batsman: I wasn't out you know...
Umpire: Oh yeah...look in tomorrow's newspaper.

 

[Anoop]

There's this joke about how to get an LBW decision from Shakoor Rana, the Indian umpire. This is what you need to say to him instead of Howzat, "Where's Allah!" He points to the sky, the batsman walks.

Nice one..

But BTW, Shakoor Rana is from Pakistan

 

[lord_of_darkness]

lol haha

i was gonna Say !!