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Thread: The Dudís Career Ė walk a mile in their shoes

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    State Regular GuyFromLancs's Avatar
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    The Dudís Career Ė walk a mile in their shoes

    Inspired by the worst test cricketers thread, Iíve tried to get into the mind of the kind of player that could see he name up there in that unflattering light.

    Right, imagine Ė youíre 19 years old, always been a good athlete. Good hand-eye co-ordination, and stamina too. Sports in general have always seemed quite easy to you. You can play football and rugby very well also, but cricket gives you those moments to shine as an individual you enjoy. Youíre just better than your young peers Ė the try-hard bowlers and steadfast batsman. Itís natural to you. You just see the ball and hit it. Or just mow down the stumps with relative ease when you bowl.

    So you move up, youíre playing within a good county league, among a few players like you, some ex-professionals, and a few former internationals. The standards have gone up, and you feel this, yet some of the players are getting on a bit. They like a fag, a pie and a beer and have been in better shape, whereas you, now in your early 20s, are in good shape, in your prime. And are this able to shine. Only last week you took 4-47 with your trusty medium-fast, or off-spin; and you also blasted an ageing former ODI bowler for 40 runs with the bat.
    These are tougher times, but like at school and amateur level, youíre still just surviving on your wits without too much thought or effort required.

    A year or two down the line Ė youíre playing first class cricket, there are lots of guys like you. Good all-round sportsman and athletes, so for the first season or two you donít shine as much. But you put in some hard yards, learn and acclimatise, and you retain your spot in the team as a kind of all-rounder type. Or a batsman who bowls. Itís hard to tell anymore. But basically, without the need for a huge amount of self-examination, youíre a professional cricketer.

    But now thereís an injury crisis in the test team, you get the call out of the blue. You canít believe it. Your Dad nearly faints when he reads that youíll be in the team v South Africa next Thursday. At first, you damn near sh!t your pants Ė but then remember that you DESERVE this. Youíre as good, or not much worse, than many of the players around you on the circuit, so this is your place right?

    But problems arise. Out there, in a test match, in front of the crowd and the cameras and the cynical ex-pros, you feel the pressure. South Africa are batting first and are 100-1 and looking good. You get thrown the ball. Something thatísí happened all your cricketing life, but now itís different. At grade cricket you used to just hit the stumps, and even in the first class game you can hit the relatively right spots and let nature take its course and give you a few wickets. But these guys are different Ė their careers, their lives, have been built and formulated on keeping trundling chancers like you from taking their wicket.

    Youíre fully 10mph slower, or significant degrees of spin less, than they are used to brushing aside. You canít move the ball away from them or fool them in flight, and the minute you ball a fraction off length, too wide, or too close to the pads, you are routinely dispatched for 4. You get fearful sweat, because you realise you have nothing in your arsenal to offer. The batsmen are starting to cart you around a bit, and nothing you can try can stop them. You bowl full, they drive Ė you try to ball one short, but your 73mph long hop is atomised by the batsman whilst your captain and slips look at you in amazed disgust. After 2 or 3 unsuccessful spells you are withdrawn with bowling figures of 0-80 off 18 overs. Physically and emotionally drained already, the opposition are visibly targeting you, and your captain looks pissed. Youíre dispatched to the outfield where you hope the ball will come nowhere near you.

    Worse is to come, you are batting at 6, 7 or 8. This is f*cked up. 3rd ball in and youíre struck HARD on the shoulder to jeers from the fielders. You canít remember the last time you were hit. This guy bowls a lot faster and nastier than you remember anyone before. And he moves it both ways too. You donít know whatís moving in and whatís moving out. The last 3 balls were a blur whilst you were trying to get your bearings. The batsman at the other end is barking instructions and advice, but you canít hear it because all the slips are heckling and abusing you. This is practically a different sport. Youíve never been tested like this. You can no more succeed at this than you could in a particle physics exam following no revision. Mercifully, after another painful blow (this time to the elbow), youíre stumps are shattered and you walk for an 18 ball 3 to sarcastic wolf-whistles from the fielders.

    Your coach doesnít even mention youíre dropped after the game. He just quietly ignores you and you drift off never to be seen again.
    In 20 years, a number of publications and websites vote you the worst player to have ever played test cricket.

    F*cking hell, that was harsh!
    World XI Since 1990 -

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    Request Your Custom Title Now! benchmark00's Avatar
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    Cliffs?
    Parmi | #1 draft pick | Jake King is **** | Big Bash League tipping champion of the universe
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jono View Post
    Kohli. Do something in test cricket for once please.

    Thanks.

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    State Regular GuyFromLancs's Avatar
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    Who?

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    International Vice-Captain Riggins's Avatar
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    from the first 8 words it would appear this isn't about ajd00d?
    The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.


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    Request Your Custom Title Now! benchmark00's Avatar
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    #standbyajdud

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    International Captain ajdude's Avatar
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    Right, imagine – you’re 19 years old, always been a good athlete. Good hand-eye co-ordination, and stamina too. Sports in general have always seemed quite easy to you. You can play football and rugby very well also, but cricket gives you those moments to shine as an individual you enjoy. You’re just better than your young peers – the try-hard bowlers and steadfast batsman. It’s natural to you. You just see the ball and hit it. Or just mow down the stumps with relative ease when you bowl.
    this is me to a ****ing tee. the rest is wrong though
    Quote Originally Posted by uvelocity View Post
    s
    ^real tearjerker from this cock

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    State Regular GuyFromLancs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajdude View Post
    this is me to a ****ing tee. the rest is wrong though
    You haven't been promoted far enough for the rest to ring true yet then.

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    Global Moderator Prince EWS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GuyFromLancs View Post
    You haven't been promoted far enough for the rest to ring true yet then.
    He's too old now though.
    ~ Cribbertarian ~

    Rejecting 'analysis by checklist' and 'skill absolutism' since Dec '09

    Quote Originally Posted by John Singleton
    Recognition of Property Rights in material objects is the recognition of a manís right to exist; his right to pursue his own goals in his own manner at his own discretion with what is rightfully his to command. Just as the Right to Life is the right to the property of oneís own person, so the right to own material products is the right to sustain oneís life and to keep the results of oneís own efforts.


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    State Regular GuyFromLancs's Avatar
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    It's a composite. For the sake of a narrative, we could call him, Chris Pattinson. Born in the mid-70s - was a medium-fast or offspinning allrounder, who shone in the lower ranks, but who didn't have the stuff for the top. The England selectors were forced to pick him somewhat, but whilst secretly hoping he would be the new Ian Botham.

    In the end, after a near nervours breakdown, he finished with a FC average of 19 with the bat, and 41 with the ball. He's now an Estate Agent in Plymouth.

  10. #10
    State Regular GuyFromLancs's Avatar
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    Feel free to add details to his life. He's an open source stereotype.

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    School Boy/Girl Captain
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    Quote Originally Posted by benchmark00 View Post
    Cliffs?
    "Test cricket is hard so feel sorry for those who are rubbish at it"

    The only problem is that this would require me to feel sorry for the likes of Imran Farhat, Jehan Mubarak and XDoh... you can see the problem...

  12. #12
    Hall of Fame Member NUFAN's Avatar
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    I don't really understand what we are supposed to do in this thread.
    NRL Tipping Champion 2014

    Over 0.2: Putland to Nevill, OUT, no run, full ball swings in late to crash into his pads. Nevill is almost falling over trying to get bat on it but can't. Huge shout for LBW and Umpire Martell eventually raises the finger! P.Nevill - lbw b:Putland 0 (1 ball, 1 minute).

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    International Vice-Captain Riggins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GuyFromLancs View Post
    Feel free to add details to his life. He's an open source stereotype.
    a geelong fan, noted cheapskate and fan of both grand theft auto and bad music.

  14. #14
    Hall of Fame Member NUFAN's Avatar
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    Ah I get it.

    Chris doesn't make much money as an Estate agent so to get a few extra pounds for his family he works as a dog cleaner. Chris develops early onset Parkinson's Disease, Chris's wife is named Tyler and he has a son Chris Junior.

  15. #15
    State Regular GuyFromLancs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NUFAN View Post
    I don't really understand what we are supposed to do in this thread.

    Read it
    Eat it
    Beat it
    Re-write it
    Go on some kind of spiritual journey on the basis of it


    This is the downside to freedom. We sometimes have to make our own choices.
    Last edited by GuyFromLancs; 16-09-2013 at 09:06 AM.

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