Inspired by the discussion in the Eng v Ind tour thread tonight, I thought of making a straight out poll between the two most (in)famous pieces of ****tardery with the willow lately - Haddin last year and Bell today. But then, in the ensuing discussion, I realised that, well, history has provided us with so many examples of glorious and not-so-glorious failure that we really should hold an event of some kind to commemorate the sheer stupid that our professional cricketers can provide us on occasion.
THE WORST DISMISSAL EVER
General (doesn't have to meet all of these, save for the first) criteria are:
- Has to be in a Test match
- Stupidity/Pointlessness. Anyone can nick a Dale Steyn outie pitching on leg stump, that's boring. But it takes real "skill" to look at a gently looping left-armer pitching outside off and turning away for your first delivery and think, gee, that'd look great going over the sightscreen, and then look confused on the long walk back as you wonder how that could possibly have gone wrong. This also basically covers any instances of leaving straight balls, so step on down Michael Clarke.
- Lack of match awareness. Of course, the aforementioned instance of utter failure may not have been so abysmal had the team been 4/470 and in need for quick runs for a declaration - selfless batting and all that. But when instead the scoreboard reads 4/70, with a gargantuan deficit in front of you, many would think it would pay to be a little more circumspect. Not for our fine crusaders here, however, going out of their way to demonstrate that "look at the scoreboard" is not just a drunken sledge, it's actually rather salient yet oddly unheralded advice at times.
- Amusement value. Cricket, of course, is a sport and as such is a form of entertainment. And fewer sights in cricket are more entertaining than a batsmen completely losing his **** and his wicket in the most eyebrow-raising of circumstances. Whether it's a batsman making so much room for himself that he literally can't reach a ball that clatters into his stumps, or seeing a rank pie that should be deposited in the nearest river and somehow finding a fielder, or managing to hole out to the most dibbly of dobblies from the most part-time of part-timers, it should be funny. For everyone else, that is.
- WTF Factor. In the end, it needs to be memorable. **** batting is common nowadays, and whilst, technically, Shane Watson getting to fifty then throwing his bat as a wide nothing-ball and getting caught at gully may be worse shot selection and worse for the team than the nominees here, that **** happens so often that it's rather passť now, and no one wants that.
The "winner" will receive a middle finger and six feet of rope to do with what they feel is appropriate, the ****ing morons.
I'll decide the format later, but it'll probably be usual battle format. Max 5 nominations each for now, please. And only nominate ones that you've actually seen, so we can actually judge it. Tell us the Test it happened too.