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Thread: The Inaugural CW "Worst Dismissal Ever" Competition

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    Global Moderator Spark's Avatar
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    The Inaugural CW "Worst Dismissal Ever" Competition

    Inspired by the discussion in the Eng v Ind tour thread tonight, I thought of making a straight out poll between the two most (in)famous pieces of ****tardery with the willow lately - Haddin last year and Bell today. But then, in the ensuing discussion, I realised that, well, history has provided us with so many examples of glorious and not-so-glorious failure that we really should hold an event of some kind to commemorate the sheer stupid that our professional cricketers can provide us on occasion.

    So.

    THE WORST DISMISSAL EVER

    General (doesn't have to meet all of these, save for the first) criteria are:

    - Has to be in a Test match

    - Stupidity/Pointlessness. Anyone can nick a Dale Steyn outie pitching on leg stump, that's boring. But it takes real "skill" to look at a gently looping left-armer pitching outside off and turning away for your first delivery and think, gee, that'd look great going over the sightscreen, and then look confused on the long walk back as you wonder how that could possibly have gone wrong. This also basically covers any instances of leaving straight balls, so step on down Michael Clarke.

    - Lack of match awareness. Of course, the aforementioned instance of utter failure may not have been so abysmal had the team been 4/470 and in need for quick runs for a declaration - selfless batting and all that. But when instead the scoreboard reads 4/70, with a gargantuan deficit in front of you, many would think it would pay to be a little more circumspect. Not for our fine crusaders here, however, going out of their way to demonstrate that "look at the scoreboard" is not just a drunken sledge, it's actually rather salient yet oddly unheralded advice at times.

    - Amusement value. Cricket, of course, is a sport and as such is a form of entertainment. And fewer sights in cricket are more entertaining than a batsmen completely losing his **** and his wicket in the most eyebrow-raising of circumstances. Whether it's a batsman making so much room for himself that he literally can't reach a ball that clatters into his stumps, or seeing a rank pie that should be deposited in the nearest river and somehow finding a fielder, or managing to hole out to the most dibbly of dobblies from the most part-time of part-timers, it should be funny. For everyone else, that is.

    - WTF Factor. In the end, it needs to be memorable. **** batting is common nowadays, and whilst, technically, Shane Watson getting to fifty then throwing his bat as a wide nothing-ball and getting caught at gully may be worse shot selection and worse for the team than the nominees here, that **** happens so often that it's rather passť now, and no one wants that.

    The "winner" will receive a middle finger and six feet of rope to do with what they feel is appropriate, the ****ing morons.

    I'll decide the format later, but it'll probably be usual battle format. Max 5 nominations each for now, please. And only nominate ones that you've actually seen, so we can actually judge it. Tell us the Test it happened too.
    Last edited by Spark; 17-11-2012 at 06:47 AM.
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    International Captain Pup Clarke's Avatar
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    Haven't seen them, but gonna say Afridi x48.
    Proud member of the Twenty20 is boring society


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    International Debutant Jager's Avatar
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    It may not cover the match awareness rule, but Inzy going out hit wicket to a spinner always makes me laugh. Certainly covers the other three bases
    Oh for a strong arm and a walking stick

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    Global Moderator Spark's Avatar
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    Will get the obvious ones today first.

    Ian Bell, today. Seriously, what the actual **** was he thinking?
    Brad Haddin, Cape Town 2011. The archetype of the horrible-looking dismissal, given the match situation.
    Shane Watson, Johannesburg 2011. As a general rule, Watto, if it's on off stump, you should block it. Especially if it's the 3rd delivery of the innings chasing 300+.
    Virender Sehwag, Adelaide 2012. No idea how he didn't put this ball in the stands. Even less idea how he got a leading edge to cover.
    Ian Bell, Dubai(?), 3rd Test 2012. Surely the front-runner for "feeblest cut-shot in history".


  5. #5
    International Captain Pup Clarke's Avatar
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    Know Spark was a huge fan of one of Hussey's brainfarts last year.

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    Global Moderator Spark's Avatar
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    Jo'burg?

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    International Captain Himannv's Avatar
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    My nominee: MS Dhoni getting out lbw to a straight one without offering a shot when India toured England.
    "I will go down as Darren Sammy, the one who always smiles" - Darren Sammy

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    Hall of Fame Member grecian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pup Clarke View Post
    Haven't seen them, but gonna say Afridi x48.
    I really think Afridi should be excluded, he's very much the Bradman of this competition.
    Do I contradict myself?
    Very well then I contradict myself,
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    In terms of sheer hilarity and WTF factor, this one from Ijaz takes the cake

    ******** shot from Ijaz Ahmed - match fixing batting - YouTube

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    Hall of Fame Member grecian's Avatar
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    Probably not a contender, but beautifully set-up by Richie, and Boyks, being boyks. Gooch 1994 MCG.

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    International Captain Migara's Avatar
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    Steve Waugh slapping a longest of long hops from Chanderpaul to cover
    Member of the Sanga fan club. (Ugh! it took me so long to become a real fan of his)

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    International Captain Pup Clarke's Avatar
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    Cricketer Of The Year Xuhaib's Avatar
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    Younis Khan playing reverse sweep to Paranvitana leg stump full toss and lobbing it to the makeshift keeper Dilshan.

    Paranavitana to Younis Khan, OUT, outrageous shot to get out, Paranavitana gets rid of Younis first ball, a full toss way down the leg side, Younis goes for the reverse-sweep, top-edges on to the batsman's shoulder, Dilshan snaps up the rebound

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    Cricketer Of The Year Cabinet96's Avatar
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    Just a few that come to mind at the moment.

    Harbhajan Singh, Lords 2011 - India were trying to save the game, and into the last session, when Harbhajan tried to hook a wide bouncer into the grandstand, only to top edge it and lose his wicket.
    Shaun Tait, Nottingham 2005 - Walked across, exposing all of his stumps, in an attempt to flick the ball through the leg side. Australia lost the test by 3 wickets
    Andrew Struass, Galle 2012 - England were facing well over 300 to win, but had started okay when Strauss decided to charge down the wicket. He didn't get to the pitch, and ended up mis****ing an attempted swat, straight to short midwicket.
    Last edited by Cabinet96; 17-11-2012 at 07:04 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Flem274* View Post
    This English top three are cornflakes. They're not the most exciting thing out but they're pretty effective. Then the middle order are the sugar. Would be too much on their own but added to the cornflakes they add some much needed interest

    When KP returns he will be the banana..

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    Hall of Fame Member Howe_zat's Avatar
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    Kevin Pietersen sweeping Hauritz at Cardiff 2009

    Watson running out Hughes at Sydney 2011

    Both lack whatthe****ery factor but they get bonus amusement points for essentially being parodies of the batsman in question
    Last edited by Howe_zat; 17-11-2012 at 07:02 AM.

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