The Inaugural CW "Worst Dismissal Ever" Competition
 

Inspired by the discussion in the Eng v Ind tour thread tonight, I thought of making a straight out poll between the two most (in)famous pieces of ****tardery with the willow lately - Haddin last year and Bell today. But then, in the ensuing discussion, I realised that, well, history has provided us with so many examples of glorious and not-so-glorious failure that we really should hold an event of some kind to commemorate the sheer stupid that our professional cricketers can provide us on occasion.

So.


General (doesn't have to meet all of these, save for the first) criteria are:

- Has to be in a Test match

- Stupidity/Pointlessness. Anyone can nick a Dale Steyn outie pitching on leg stump, that's boring. But it takes real "skill" to look at a gently looping left-armer pitching outside off and turning away for your first delivery and think, gee, that'd look great going over the sightscreen, and then look confused on the long walk back as you wonder how that could possibly have gone wrong. This also basically covers any instances of leaving straight balls, so step on down Michael Clarke.

- Lack of match awareness. Of course, the aforementioned instance of utter failure may not have been so abysmal had the team been 4/470 and in need for quick runs for a declaration - selfless batting and all that. But when instead the scoreboard reads 4/70, with a gargantuan deficit in front of you, many would think it would pay to be a little more circumspect. Not for our fine crusaders here, however, going out of their way to demonstrate that "look at the scoreboard" is not just a drunken sledge, it's actually rather salient yet oddly unheralded advice at times.

- Amusement value. Cricket, of course, is a sport and as such is a form of entertainment. And fewer sights in cricket are more entertaining than a batsmen completely losing his **** and his wicket in the most eyebrow-raising of circumstances. Whether it's a batsman making so much room for himself that he literally can't reach a ball that clatters into his stumps, or seeing a rank pie that should be deposited in the nearest river and somehow finding a fielder, or managing to hole out to the most dibbly of dobblies from the most part-time of part-timers, it should be funny. For everyone else, that is.

- WTF Factor. In the end, it needs to be memorable. **** batting is common nowadays, and whilst, technically, Shane Watson getting to fifty then throwing his bat as a wide nothing-ball and getting caught at gully may be worse shot selection and worse for the team than the nominees here, that **** happens so often that it's rather passé now, and no one wants that.

The "winner" will receive a middle finger and six feet of rope to do with what they feel is appropriate, the ****ing morons.

I'll decide the format later, but it'll probably be usual battle format. Max 5 nominations each for now, please. And only nominate ones that you've actually seen, so we can actually judge it. Tell us the Test it happened too.

Haven't seen them, but gonna say Afridi x48.

It may not cover the match awareness rule, but Inzy going out hit wicket to a spinner always makes me laugh. Certainly covers the other three bases

Will get the obvious ones today first.

Ian Bell, today. Seriously, what the actual **** was he thinking?
Brad Haddin, Cape Town 2011. The archetype of the horrible-looking dismissal, given the match situation.
Shane Watson, Johannesburg 2011. As a general rule, Watto, if it's on off stump, you should block it. Especially if it's the 3rd delivery of the innings chasing 300+.
Virender Sehwag, Adelaide 2012. No idea how he didn't put this ball in the stands. Even less idea how he got a leading edge to cover.
Ian Bell, Dubai(?), 3rd Test 2012. Surely the front-runner for "feeblest cut-shot in history".

Know Spark was a huge fan of one of Hussey's brainfarts last year.

Jo'burg?

My nominee: MS Dhoni getting out lbw to a straight one without offering a shot when India toured England.

I really think Afridi should be excluded, he's very much the Bradman of this competition.

In terms of sheer hilarity and WTF factor, this one from Ijaz takes the cake :laugh:

Retarded shot from Ijaz Ahmed - match fixing batting - YouTube

Probably not a contender, but beautifully set-up by Richie, and Boyks, being boyks. Gooch 1994 MCG.

Steve Waugh slapping a longest of long hops from Chanderpaul to cover

Remember a beaut.

ABDUL RAZZAQ vs SHANE WARNE - INSANE BATTING!!!!!!!!!!! - YouTube

Younis Khan playing reverse sweep to Paranvitana leg stump full toss and lobbing it to the makeshift keeper Dilshan.

Paranavitana to Younis Khan, OUT, outrageous shot to get out, Paranavitana gets rid of Younis first ball, a full toss way down the leg side, Younis goes for the reverse-sweep, top-edges on to the batsman's shoulder, Dilshan snaps up the rebound

Just a few that come to mind at the moment.

Harbhajan Singh, Lords 2011 - India were trying to save the game, and into the last session, when Harbhajan tried to hook a wide bouncer into the grandstand, only to top edge it and lose his wicket.
Shaun Tait, Nottingham 2005 - Walked across, exposing all of his stumps, in an attempt to flick the ball through the leg side. Australia lost the test by 3 wickets
Andrew Struass, Galle 2012 - England were facing well over 300 to win, but had started okay when Strauss decided to charge down the wicket. He didn't get to the pitch, and ended up mis****ing an attempted swat, straight to short midwicket.

Kevin Pietersen sweeping Hauritz at Cardiff 2009

Watson running out Hughes at Sydney 2011

Both lack whatthe****ery factor but they get bonus amusement points for essentially being parodies of the batsman in question