Player Ratings

[Uppercut]

Bollocks, so I did. Edited.

[Spark]

Originally Posted by Uppercut

Strauss 7- Still successfully covering up the fact that he's a bit crap at batting.
Cook 7.5- You'd probably take it if he does something similar every series
Trott 5- Decent knock first up to set up the series. Bonus points for batting in a test match stoned.
KP 9- The best bits were when he randomly decided he didn't rate bowlers and started hitting them to the boundaries in ridiculous fashion.
Bell 9- If only there was a way to stop him from getting a boundary every time he touched the ball to third man.
Morgan 3- Tail-ender batting at 6. Should probably be dropped, won't be while the team keeps winning.
Bopara 3- At Edgbaston looked like a special kid who the team had allowed to play just to be nice and because they knew they could win anyway.
Prior 8.5- But most of his millions of runs were scored with a gap between bat and pad so they don't really count.
Bresnan 9- Came into the team as an honest dobbler that could hold up an end, bounced out the entire top order instead.
Broad 10- Probably could have beaten India on his own.
Swann 6- Bowled poorly for three tests to give Indian fans hope that they may actually have something left to clutch at after the series, then took nine wickets at the Oval and lol'd.
Anderson 9- Frequently exposed batsmen for their fatal inability to play unplayable deliveries.
Tremlett 6- Bowled outside off stump, looked angry, took a few big wickets and got injured. Did everything that could reasonably have been expected of him.

Gambhir 2- The best bit was when he turned into a zombie in the process of dropping a catch.
Mukund 2- Was quite possibly let off a king pair by Bresnan at slip on the grounds that he hadn't yet been hit enough.
Sehwag 0- Brought back into the side after the second test, presumably to provide much-needed comic relief. Succeeded admirably.
Dravid 9- Gave everything he had to save something from the series, only succeeded in rubbing in how bad the rest of his team was.
Tendulkar 4- Didn't let an inability to score runs stop him from causing frequent premature ejaculations in the commentary box.
Laxman 4- Looked promising to start with, understandably threw in the towel after Jimmeh's ball to him in the second innings at Trent Bridge.
Raina 2- So bad against the short ball, it mucked up his footwork to Graeme Swann.
Yuvraj 5- Never quite nailed the concept of ducking.
Dhoni 4- Supposed personal battle with Matt Prior turned out to be a personal battle with a cricket ball determined to dodge his gloves. Had a hilarious tendency to play ridiculous shots in the middle of collapses.
Harbhajan 2- Invented an injury in an effort to spare himself the embarrassment of Dhoni preferring to bowl Yuvraj and Raina instead.
Praveen 8- Bowled very effective nippers while his faster team mates got smashed, inevitably sparking calls for more faster bowlers.
Ishant 3- Rumoured to have once moved a ball off the straight. Showcased his extra pace, the major benefit of which was that it allowed the ball to travel to the boundary faster.
Sreesanth 2- Less overtly obnoxious than he used to be. Shame the same can't be said for his bowling.
RP Singh 0- Hadn't just been pretending to be crap when he didn't take any domestic wickets for three years. Much to the selectors' surprise.
Zaheer 2- "He'll be fit to bowl in the second innings. And by that we mean the second test. And by that we mean the third test. And by that we mean in four months."
Mishra 4- India's second best batsman, often brought on to bowl his part-time leg-spin by the 30th over in an effort to speed the declaration.

[flibbertyjibber]

Uppercut - Take a boo son.

[Marcuss]

Have been informed that those rankings actually had GF in tears of laughter! He says 'grats for your work Uppercut.

[Neil Pickup]

/thread

[Howe_zat]

Originally Posted by Neil Pickup

/thread

mod to lock it imo

[wpdavid]

Originally Posted by Uppercut

Strauss 7- Still successfully covering up the fact that he's a bit crap at batting.
Cook 7.5- You'd probably take it if he does something similar every series
Trott 5- Decent knock first up to set up the series. Bonus points for batting in a test match stoned.
KP 9- The best bits were when he randomly decided he didn't rate bowlers and started hitting them to the boundaries in ridiculous fashion.
Bell 9- If only there was a way to stop him from getting a boundary every time he touched the ball to third man.
Morgan 3- Tail-ender batting at 6. Should probably be dropped, won't be while the team keeps winning.
Bopara 3- At Edgbaston looked like a special kid who the team had allowed to play just to be nice and because they knew they could win anyway.
Prior 8.5- But most of his millions of runs were scored with a gap between bat and pad so they don't really count.
Bresnan 9- Came into the team as an honest dobbler that could hold up an end, bounced out the entire top order instead.
Broad 10- Probably could have beaten India on his own.
Swann 6- Bowled poorly for three tests to give Indian fans hope that they may actually have something left to clutch at after the series, then took nine wickets at the Oval and lol'd.
Anderson 9- Frequently exposed batsmen for their fatal inability to play unplayable deliveries.
Tremlett 6- Bowled outside off stump, looked angry, took a few big wickets and got injured. Did everything that could reasonably have been expected of him.

Gambhir 2- The best bit was when he turned into a zombie in the process of dropping a catch.
Mukund 2- Was quite possibly let off a king pair by Bresnan at slip on the grounds that he hadn't yet been hit enough.
Sehwag 0- Brought back into the side after the second test, presumably to provide much-needed comic relief. Succeeded admirably.
Dravid 9- Gave everything he had to save something from the series, only succeeded in rubbing in how bad the rest of his team was.
Tendulkar 4- Didn't let an inability to score runs stop him from causing frequent premature ejaculations in the commentary box.
Laxman 4- Looked promising to start with, understandably threw in the towel after Jimmeh's ball to him in the second innings at Trent Bridge.
Raina 2- So bad against the short ball, it mucked up his footwork to Graeme Swann.
Yuvraj 5- Never quite nailed the concept of ducking.
Dhoni 4- Supposed personal battle with Matt Prior turned out to be a personal battle with a cricket ball determined to dodge his gloves. Had a hilarious tendency to play ridiculous shots in the middle of collapses.
Harbhajan 2- Invented an injury in an effort to spare himself the embarrassment of Dhoni preferring to bowl Yuvraj and Raina instead.
Praveen 8- Bowled very effective nippers while his faster team mates got smashed, inevitably sparking calls for more faster bowlers.
Ishant 3- Rumoured to have once moved a ball off the straight. Showcased his extra pace, the major benefit of which was that it allowed the ball to travel to the boundary faster.
Sreesanth 2- Less overtly obnoxious than he used to be. Shame the same can't be said for his bowling.
RP Singh 0- Hadn't just been pretending to be crap when he didn't take any domestic wickets for three years. Much to the selectors' surprise.
Zaheer 2- "He'll be fit to bowl in the second innings. And by that we mean the second test. And by that we mean the third test. And by that we mean in four months."
Mishra 4- India's second best batsman, often brought on to bowl his part-time leg-spin by the 30th over in an effort to speed the declaration.

Very good indeed

[Spikey]

Had a hilarious tendency to play ridiculous shots in the middle of collapses.

Will surely be MS' epitaph?

[Jacknife]

Originally Posted by Uppercut

Strauss 7- Still successfully covering up the fact that he's a bit crap at batting.
Cook 7.5- You'd probably take it if he does something similar every series
Trott 5- Decent knock first up to set up the series. Bonus points for batting in a test match stoned.
KP 9- The best bits were when he randomly decided he didn't rate bowlers and started hitting them to the boundaries in ridiculous fashion.
Bell 9- If only there was a way to stop him from getting a boundary every time he touched the ball to third man.
Morgan 3- Tail-ender batting at 6. Should probably be dropped, won't be while the team keeps winning.
Bopara 3- At Edgbaston looked like a special kid who the team had allowed to play just to be nice and because they knew they could win anyway.
Prior 8.5- But most of his millions of runs were scored with a gap between bat and pad so they don't really count.
Bresnan 9- Came into the team as an honest dobbler that could hold up an end, bounced out the entire top order instead.
Broad 10- Probably could have beaten India on his own.
Swann 6- Bowled poorly for three tests to give Indian fans hope that they may actually have something left to clutch at after the series, then took nine wickets at the Oval and lol'd.
Anderson 9- Frequently exposed batsmen for their fatal inability to play unplayable deliveries.
Tremlett 6- Bowled outside off stump, looked angry, took a few big wickets and got injured. Did everything that could reasonably have been expected of him.

Gambhir 2- The best bit was when he turned into a zombie in the process of dropping a catch.
Mukund 2- Was quite possibly let off a king pair by Bresnan at slip on the grounds that he hadn't yet been hit enough.
Sehwag 0- Brought back into the side after the second test, presumably to provide much-needed comic relief. Succeeded admirably.
Dravid 9- Gave everything he had to save something from the series, only succeeded in rubbing in how bad the rest of his team was.
Tendulkar 4- Didn't let an inability to score runs stop him from causing frequent premature ejaculations in the commentary box.
Laxman 4- Looked promising to start with, understandably threw in the towel after Jimmeh's ball to him in the second innings at Trent Bridge.
Raina 2- So bad against the short ball, it mucked up his footwork to Graeme Swann.
Yuvraj 5- Never quite nailed the concept of ducking.
Dhoni 4- Supposed personal battle with Matt Prior turned out to be a personal battle with a cricket ball determined to dodge his gloves. Had a hilarious tendency to play ridiculous shots in the middle of collapses.
Harbhajan 2- Invented an injury in an effort to spare himself the embarrassment of Dhoni preferring to bowl Yuvraj and Raina instead.
Praveen 8- Bowled very effective nippers while his faster team mates got smashed, inevitably sparking calls for more faster bowlers.
Ishant 3- Rumoured to have once moved a ball off the straight. Showcased his extra pace, the major benefit of which was that it allowed the ball to travel to the boundary faster.
Sreesanth 2- Less overtly obnoxious than he used to be. Shame the same can't be said for his bowling.
RP Singh 0- Hadn't just been pretending to be crap when he didn't take any domestic wickets for three years. Much to the selectors' surprise.
Zaheer 2- "He'll be fit to bowl in the second innings. And by that we mean the second test. And by that we mean the third test. And by that we mean in four months."
Mishra 4- India's second best batsman, often brought on to bowl his part-time leg-spin by the 30th over in an effort to speed the declaration.

Agree with all that except Swann didn't bowl badly in 3 tests, at Lords he bowled very nicely, even though the surface offered him nothing, bowled 41 overs for 114 runs at 2.7 rpo at picked up a couple of wickets. Couldn't have done much more for me in that first test. Unless I'm taking this a little bit too literally.
I particularly like the Anderson and the Bresnan ones.

[Howe_zat]

CW's Ganesh (India) and Jake (England) give their sometimes forthright view on the recent Test series performances.

Cricket Web - Features: England-India Series Ratings

[Daemon]

Trott should get a 3/10 imo, especially since you gave Morgan 4/10. 5 to Tremlett also seems too high and 9.5 for Broad is too low

Agree with pretty much everything else, except that Sree should've got a negative score

[GIMH]

Trott played four innings. One was crucial, two were failures and the fourth was under the influence of crack cocaine. Don't think 3/10 is fair

[marc71178]

Alan Byers' ratings

[GingerFurball]

Andrew Strauss - 7 - Huge kudos for captaining his side to a whitewash, fairly meh series with the bat. Was never out of nick but never looked like going on with his form either.
Ali Cook - 8 - A fairly unproductive series aside from a monstrous 294 at Edgbaston. You'd take that from your opening bat though.
Jonathan Trott - 6 - good fighting innings on day 1 at Lord's to help set up the series. Bonus point for attempting to audition for World War Z whilst batting at Trent Bridge.
Kevin Pietersen - 9 - Imperious. Complete ownage of the Indian bowlers all series, treated them like an under 9s side at Lord's.
Ian Bell - 9 - exploited Dhoni's generous captaincy throughout the series by helping himself to approximately 16,000 runs through third man.
Eoin Morgan - 5 - couple of nice innings against joke bowling, worrylingly exposed at other times
Matt Prior - 8 - kept well, bashed crucial runs to set up the first two test wins.
Stuart Broad - 10 - where the hell have you been for the last 2 years? I can only assume his early season form was part of some evil genius plan.
Chris Tremlett - 6 - reasonable contribution at Lord's.
Graeme Swann - 7 - crucial runs at Trent Bridge, looked like the weak link until the Oval. As in Australia, when given his one turning track of the series, made it count.
James Anderson - 9 - utterly owned the Indian top order despite not really firing on all cylinders.
Tim Bresnan - 9 - brilliant with bat and ball, responded to being written off as a defensive option by bouncing the top order out.
Ravi Bopara - 4 - meh.

Gautam Gambhir - 2 - poor series. Possibly **** his pants at Trent Bridge, redeemed himself by playing on through concussion at the Oval. Incidentally, whoever ok'd Gambhir playing at the Oval needs to take a good look at themselves.
Abhinav Mukund - 3 - decent innings at Lord's, clearly out of his depth in Test cricket, which he can't really be blamed for.
Vehrinder Sehwag - 0 - hilariously bad with the bat, too lazy to field. Woeful.
Rahul Dravid - 10 - heroic in the face of disaster. Was the only Indian batsman not to have a technical weakness exposed then ruthlessly exploited by the England bowlers, who pretty much had to resort to bowling magic balls to even have a chance of getting out. 2 unbeaten tons, would have been 3 had he not needed to slog at Trent Bridge, opened in 5 innings (effectively 7 with Sehwag's "efforts" at Edgbaston), could not have done anything more. Also kept wicket. Could conceivably lose a point for some poor slip fielding, but in light of everything else he gave for his team, I'm not going to be that harsh. WAG.
Sachin Tendulkar - 3 - fairly unproductive series, scored his runs when they didn't matter, owned again by Jimmeh, loses points for being a selfish **** and refusing to bat at 3, forcing the team's lower order firefighter up to number 3 instead. Gets a bonus point for ensuring cricinfo will be readable for the forseeable future by saving us from the months of sycophantic articles we'd have had to endure had he reached his milestone.
VVS Laxman - 4 - forced out of position, started series decently. Very generously gave England's fine leg fielders catching practice and seemed to forget where his offstump was.
Suresh Raina - 2 - should be investigated by the ICC for sending out a doppleganger 2nd dig at Lord's. I refuse to believe the man who made a composed half century was the same man who got himself into such a tangle when the ball bounced above his knees.
Yuvraj Singh - 5 - achieved a personal milestone when he was described by the Sky team as a "good player of spin" for the first time in his career.
MS Dhoni - 0 - would probably have kept better had he taped frying pans to his gloves. Gains bonus points for his batting at Edgbaston. Loses all points gained for repeated irresponsible batting throughout the series, which has somehow escaped scrutiny. Exposed the tail to the new ball 2nd innings at Lord's and the Oval when batting for a draw was a remote possibility, and squandered a great position at Trent Bridge in the first innings. Here's a hint: when Rahul Dravid is 110 not out at the other end, you have a lead of 50 and the opposition bowlers are moving a new ball outside your off stump, and you only have the tail behind you, cover driving isn't a particularly smart idea.
Harbhajan - 0 - simultaneously made a mockery of the idea that India had the spinning advantage going into the series, and the 400+ Test wicket list. Managed to be outbowled by Raina and Yuvraj, which was no mean feat.
Praveen Kumar - 8 - Dravid aside, India's only shining light throughout the series. Always kept the batsmen honest, constantly prized out wickets at crucial times, and entertained with his batting.
Ishant Sharma - 4 - great spell 2nd innings at Lord's to put India into a potential winning position, gets a bonus point for being the only Indian bowler on the 2nd morning at the Oval who looked like he knew what he was meant to be doing with the strange red thing in their hands. Shame he ruined it by bowling innocuous rubbish for the rest of the series.
Zaheer Khan - 0 - here's a gym membership son, how about you use it once in a while given your importance to the Indian team?
Sreesanth - 0 - apparently good in bowler friendly conditions. I can only assume CricketWeb have confused Sreesanth with somebody else. Presumably gets away with calling himself a bowler because the Indian public have no idea what a good seam bowler looks like.
Amit Mishra - 4 - should probably reinvent himself as a batsman. Achieved the admirable feat of making Harbhajan Singh look like a threatening spinner.
RP Singh - 0 - the BCCI could have called up literally anyone from the beach in Miami and they'd probably have done better.

[MW1304]

Originally Posted by GingerFurball

VVS Laxman - seemed to forget where his offstump was.

Probably cause it was cartwheeling all over the place most of the time.