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Thread: new joke

  1. #16
    International Regular simmy's Avatar
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    Very good!

  2. #17
    State Regular The_Bunny's Avatar
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    There is actually a two way joke in that

  3. #18
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    he he funny.

  4. #19
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    Hehehehe........that waz a gud one!!!


  5. #20
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    Max and Joe

    Two 90 year old men, Max and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
    When it's clear that Joe is dying, Max visits him every day. One day
    Max says, "Joe, we both loved cricket all our lives, and we played district crcket
    together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get
    to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's cricket there."

    Joe looks up at Max from his death bed," Max, you've been my best
    friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
    Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

    At midnight a couple of nights later, Max is awakened from a sound
    sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him,"

    "Max--Max."

    "Who is it?, asks Max sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

    "Max--it's me, Joe."

    "You're not Joe. Joe just died."
    I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

    "Joe! Where are you?"

    "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little
    bad news."

    "Tell me the good news first," says Max.

    "The good news," Joe says," is that there's cricket in heaven.
    Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too.

    Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it
    never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play cricket all we want,
    and we never get tired."

    "That's fantastic," says Max. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So
    what's the bad news?

    "You're fielding on Tuesday.

  6. #21
    U19 12th Man amokk1's Avatar
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    ^^^ lol
    -The story in a nutshell is three college dorm students who seek ultimate highs by purchasing and using a bong that is possessed by an evil spirit.

  7. #22
    Hall of Fame Member Smudge's Avatar
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    Back in the early 1980s, Ian Botham went into his favourite restaurant in the West Indies and ordered the turtle soup.
    The Head Chef came out of the kitchen to apologise personally as they couldn't make him any turtle soup.
    "WHY NOT????" aske Botham, "I come here everytime we're on tour and I love your turtle soup so much that I've been telling people all over the world about it"
    The chef replied: "The problem is, Mr Botham, that we cannot get them to put their heads out of their shells so we cannot cut off their heads and boil them. As soon as they know we're coming they hide away and there's no getting them out."
    "Ah, I see your problem" replied Botham, "leave it to me" and he goes out into the kitchen. picks up a turtle, sticks his finger swiftly up its bum. the turtle's head shoots out, eyes bulging, Botham chops his head off then proceeds to the next one.
    When he's done 5 or 6 of them he passes them over and says "now you can make my turtle soup"
    The staff are amazed and ask where he learned to do such a neat trick.
    "Oh, it's easy" says Botham.











    "It's the only way we can get an MCC tie on Gladstone Small."

  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voltman View Post
    Back in the early 1980s, Ian Botham went into his favourite restaurant in the West Indies and ordered the turtle soup.
    The Head Chef came out of the kitchen to apologise personally as they couldn't make him any turtle soup.
    "WHY NOT????" aske Botham, "I come here everytime we're on tour and I love your turtle soup so much that I've been telling people all over the world about it"
    The chef replied: "The problem is, Mr Botham, that we cannot get them to put their heads out of their shells so we cannot cut off their heads and boil them. As soon as they know we're coming they hide away and there's no getting them out."
    "Ah, I see your problem" replied Botham, "leave it to me" and he goes out into the kitchen. picks up a turtle, sticks his finger swiftly up its bum. the turtle's head shoots out, eyes bulging, Botham chops his head off then proceeds to the next one.
    When he's done 5 or 6 of them he passes them over and says "now you can make my turtle soup"
    The staff are amazed and ask where he learned to do such a neat trick.
    "Oh, it's easy" says Botham.











    "It's the only way we can get an MCC tie on Gladstone Small."

  9. #24
    International Coach PhoenixFire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voltman View Post
    Back in the early 1980s, Ian Botham went into his favourite restaurant in the West Indies and ordered the turtle soup.
    The Head Chef came out of the kitchen to apologise personally as they couldn't make him any turtle soup.
    "WHY NOT????" aske Botham, "I come here everytime we're on tour and I love your turtle soup so much that I've been telling people all over the world about it"
    The chef replied: "The problem is, Mr Botham, that we cannot get them to put their heads out of their shells so we cannot cut off their heads and boil them. As soon as they know we're coming they hide away and there's no getting them out."
    "Ah, I see your problem" replied Botham, "leave it to me" and he goes out into the kitchen. picks up a turtle, sticks his finger swiftly up its bum. the turtle's head shoots out, eyes bulging, Botham chops his head off then proceeds to the next one.
    When he's done 5 or 6 of them he passes them over and says "now you can make my turtle soup"
    The staff are amazed and ask where he learned to do such a neat trick.
    "Oh, it's easy" says Botham.











    "It's the only way we can get an MCC tie on Gladstone Small."
    Quote Originally Posted by Top_Cat View Post
    1) Had double pneumonia as a kid, as did my twin sis. Doctors told my parents to pray that we lived through the night. Dad said **** off, I'm an atheist, you ****s better save my kids, etc. Then prayed anyway.

  10. #25
    International Coach KiWiNiNjA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voltman View Post
    Back in the early 1980s, Ian Botham went into his favourite restaurant in the West Indies and ordered the turtle soup.
    The Head Chef came out of the kitchen to apologise personally as they couldn't make him any turtle soup.
    "WHY NOT????" aske Botham, "I come here everytime we're on tour and I love your turtle soup so much that I've been telling people all over the world about it"
    The chef replied: "The problem is, Mr Botham, that we cannot get them to put their heads out of their shells so we cannot cut off their heads and boil them. As soon as they know we're coming they hide away and there's no getting them out."
    "Ah, I see your problem" replied Botham, "leave it to me" and he goes out into the kitchen. picks up a turtle, sticks his finger swiftly up its bum. the turtle's head shoots out, eyes bulging, Botham chops his head off then proceeds to the next one.
    When he's done 5 or 6 of them he passes them over and says "now you can make my turtle soup"
    The staff are amazed and ask where he learned to do such a neat trick.
    "Oh, it's easy" says Botham.











    "It's the only way we can get an MCC tie on Gladstone Small."


    Too good!!!

  11. #26
    International Captain cover drive man's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fiery View Post
    Max and Joe

    Two 90 year old men, Max and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
    When it's clear that Joe is dying, Max visits him every day. One day
    Max says, "Joe, we both loved cricket all our lives, and we played district crcket
    together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get
    to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's cricket there."

    Joe looks up at Max from his death bed," Max, you've been my best
    friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
    Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

    At midnight a couple of nights later, Max is awakened from a sound
    sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him,"

    "Max--Max."

    "Who is it?, asks Max sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

    "Max--it's me, Joe."

    "You're not Joe. Joe just died."
    I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

    "Joe! Where are you?"

    "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little
    bad news."

    "Tell me the good news first," says Max.

    "The good news," Joe says," is that there's cricket in heaven.
    Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too.

    Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it
    never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play cricket all we want,
    and we never get tired."

    "That's fantastic," says Max. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So
    what's the bad news?

    "You're fielding on Tuesday.

    Haha great joke.
    Everyone wants to change the world, noone wants to change himself.

    -Tolstoy

  12. #27
    International Captain cover drive man's Avatar
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    One day Heaven and Hell were arguing. They decided to have a cricket match to prove who was the better side god said.

    "You have no chance, we have all the great players, Such as Bradman, W.G, Malcom Marshall and Bob woolmer is our coach."


    The devil said

    "Yes but we have all the umpires"

  13. #28
    Cricketer Of The Year Turbinator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Voltman View Post
    Back in the early 1980s, Ian Botham went into his favourite restaurant in the West Indies and ordered the turtle soup.
    The Head Chef came out of the kitchen to apologise personally as they couldn't make him any turtle soup.
    "WHY NOT????" aske Botham, "I come here everytime we're on tour and I love your turtle soup so much that I've been telling people all over the world about it"
    The chef replied: "The problem is, Mr Botham, that we cannot get them to put their heads out of their shells so we cannot cut off their heads and boil them. As soon as they know we're coming they hide away and there's no getting them out."
    "Ah, I see your problem" replied Botham, "leave it to me" and he goes out into the kitchen. picks up a turtle, sticks his finger swiftly up its bum. the turtle's head shoots out, eyes bulging, Botham chops his head off then proceeds to the next one.
    When he's done 5 or 6 of them he passes them over and says "now you can make my turtle soup"
    The staff are amazed and ask where he learned to do such a neat trick.
    "Oh, it's easy" says Botham.

    "It's the only way we can get an MCC tie on Gladstone Small."
    I don't get it , please someone explain.

  14. #29
    International Coach KiWiNiNjA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turbinator View Post
    I don't get it , please someone explain.
    Gladstone Small

  15. #30
    International Regular 1-9-7-7's Avatar
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    A Free Lesson On Growing Up
    Make The Best Of Their Worst
    And Never Compromise On Anything That You Think Is Right

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