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Thread: Hilarious article!!

  1. #1
    International Coach Xuhaib's Avatar
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    Hilarious article!!


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    International Captain andruid's Avatar
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    He sounds like a pom (not literally)
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    They scored a single, declared and still won by an innings

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    Cricket Web Staff Member Richard's Avatar
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    Heard of?
    Last edited by James; 06-02-2015 at 08:13 PM.
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    International Captain andruid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Richard View Post
    Heard of?
    Kind of a low blow there Rich
    Last edited by James; 06-02-2015 at 08:13 PM.


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    SJS
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    I found this one absolutely brilliant. Some one has quoted a few excerpts but really the whole article needs a read. here....

    Indians dish up curry to Aussies

    Source : Jack The Insider Blog in The Australian

    AS expected, the Australian tail did not wag today like ravenous labradors given the run of the Pal factory.

    Australia went down in a screaming heap in the second test at Mohali. With two tests to go, India has gone one up in the four test series and one suspects more humiliation is on the way for Ricky Ponting and his men.

    The conventional wisdom is that the cycle has finally turned and Australia’s days at the top are over. The reality is, the Australian XI is facing its toughest rival for many years; an opponent hell-bent on victory.

    It’s hardly an even contest. The Australian XI is up against 1.3 billion Indians. Even counting Australia’s vast coaching staff, Ponting and the lads are heavily outnumbered. They have entered a world of doctored tracks, dodgy food and questionable tactics.

    At the Punjab Cricket Association Stadium in Mohali, curator Daljit Singh prepared a track which unfairly tipped the scales in India’s favour from the outset.

    When the Indians had the pads on it was a docile batsmen’s paradise, but as Hayden and Katich strolled to the middle, the track suddenly turned into a ‘Gabba green top and a vicious, spitting, spinning Old Trafford deck all at once, before calming down again when the Indian batsmen returned to the crease.

    Some say Daljit is a genius. If so, he’s an evil genius, laughing maniacally while stroking a fluffy cat and pushing the heavy roller back and forth along the pitch.

    Add to that the fact that the Indians have mastered the dark art of reverse swing. Ever see an Indian bowler with a decent manicure? It doesn’t happen. Most have fingernails like Ming the Merciless. Meanwhile, in the heavily manned slips cordon, the Indian catchers are chomping away on some local breath mint that turns their saliva into silicon.

    The Indians get the ball reversing around the 15 over mark. Just as the conventional swing from the new ball stops, the ball starts reversing around like mad.

    It’s hardly fair, given that the Australians shun these crude tactics. When Australia is in the field the only time you see the ball move off the straight is during its gentle, curving trajectory on its way over the boundary.

    On the umpires in this series thus far, I will say nothing except where is Steve Bucknor when you need him?

    And here’s Australia without a decent leggie since Bryce McGain went off to have a hip replacement and up pops a 25 year old Indian, Amit Mishra, who fizzes them down on a perfect spot and takes five wickets on debut.

    Surely that kind of precocious talent needs a good, hard examination and there’s no better man for the job than Daryl Hair. If there’s a problem with Mishra’s action - and his figures in this test say there’s got to be - Hair will find it and have him dispatched to Perth, for a battery of tests before he’s allowed to return to the game with a strict warning if he cocks that elbow one more time, he’ll be on the first plane back to Perth to do it all over again.

    The odds and the numbers are stacked heavily against the Australians. You can’t really expect an even and competitive series when Australia struggles to replace the irreplaceable Glen McGrath while the Indian selectors pluck their very own Glen McGrath out of their backsides. Not only does “Instant Karma” Sharma bowl the same niggardly length and line as the great “Ooh-Aah”, he’s got the same nasty temper. What a cheek.

    Of course, the gangster-slapping off spinner, Harbhajan Singh, has a dreadful track record of openly flouting the laws and spirit of the game. In this series, he seems to have gone a step further, humiliating his Australian counterparts by actually turning the ball off the pitch.

    Some say there are a few in the Australian XI who have gone a season or two beyond their use by date. Australia’s premier opening batsman, Matt Hayden, now in his dotage, has spared the scorers any repetitive-type wrist injuries in his last four innings.

    Matt, a great servant of Australian cricket, is finding out that there comes a time in every sporting career when the body just won’t work like it used to. The eyes go first, the muscles don’t twitch so sharply, the feet become leaden and wobble about unhelpfully. It’s why Muhammad Ali doesn’t fight anymore. That and the Parkinson’s. Before you know it, you’re putting out a cookbook and appearing on Dancing with the Stars.

    While not too long in the tooth as fast bowlers go, Brett Lee only shows a bit of mongrel when he’s arguing with his captain.

    None of this bodes well for the remainder of the tour. Sadly, we must concede Australia is up against a cold, unrelenting foe who will do whatever it takes, including crushing their opponents, until the Border-Gavaskar Trophy is firmly ensconced in their hands.

    It’s not all bad news. The Australians can come back and lick their wounds and the cycle will move again as Tendulkar, Ganguly, Dravid and Laxman wander off into the sunset.

    India won’t be on top for long and Australia will meet New Zealand in the Australian summer.

    But if the Kiwis beat us, we’ll know we’re in trouble.

    Over to you ...
    Last edited by SJS; 21-10-2008 at 09:13 PM.

  6. #6
    International Debutant SpaceMonkey's Avatar
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    I'm pretty sure copying a whole article into a post counts as copywrite infringement

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    Have to say I did a genuine LOL at this bit:

    there comes a time in every sporting career when the body just wonít work like it used to. The eyes go first, the muscles donít twitch so sharply, the feet become leaden and wobble about unhelpfully. Itís why Muhammad Ali doesnít fight anymore. That and the Parkinsonís.

    So going to hell, me.
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    Cricket Web Staff Member Richard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andruid View Post
    Kind of a low blow there Rich


    All I was saying was that this thread would be best in CH rather than CC.

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    Request Your Custom Title Now! Top_Cat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Richard View Post


    All I was saying was that this thread would be best in CH rather than CC.
    My opinion, two reasons why it would be better in CC, though;

    1) It's a humorous article about a current event, not just a joke article per se. The distinction is subtle, though.
    2) It would get more exposure in CC than in CH and, owing to it being about a current event, makes more sense for it to be in the area where there's most traffic talking about what's happening in cricket right now.

  10. #10
    Request Your Custom Title Now! Top_Cat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Richard View Post


    All I was saying was that this thread would be best in CH rather than CC.
    My opinion, two reasons why it would be better in CC, though;

    1) It's a humorous article about a current event, not just a joke article per se. The distinction is subtle, though.
    2) It would get more exposure in CC than in CH and, owing to it being about a current event, makes more sense for it to be in the area where there's most traffic talking about what's happening in cricket right now.



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