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ICC statement released.

marc71178

Eyes not spreadsheets
Following the crushing defeat of Pakistan, the International Cricket Council
has imposed a new set of rules for the up coming Ashes series to make the
contest more even.

1) As a result, England has been granted an automatic wickie, freeing up
wicket keeper Alex Stewart to defend the boundary. Under the rule,
Australian batsmen will be deemed out "caught behind" if the ball nicks
their bat and lands in the immediate area behind the wicket. The rule is a
compromise from the original English proposal which had pushed for automatic
slips as well. The ICC refused that request on the grounds that "someone has
to go and get the ball when an Australian misses it."

2) In addition, Australia is under strict "tip and run" restrictions which
require they take a run off every ball they hit. Steve Waugh was happy to
accept this, as it meant no change to his current game plan. As a
compromise, it was agreed that the Australians will also have to shout out
the word "wickets" when completing a run to make run out decisions by
umpires easier.

3) Following his outstanding performances, Australian wicketkeeper Adam
Gilchrist has "six and out" restrictions imposed on him. As well, following
complaints from English fielders, Gilchrist will have to get the ball if it
goes across the road.

4) Instead of using a bat, Matt Hayden will now be obliged to use his arm
with his jumper wrapped around it.

5) New rules for England include "one hand, one bounce" while they are
fielding, and the provision of "last man carries" when they are batting.

6) The English tried to extend the "can't get out first ball" provision to
"can't get out first ten overs", but the ICC proclaimed that the extra runs
gained would hardly be worth the effort. Australian captain Steve Waugh has
vigorously opposed the "last man carries" rule and has launched an appeal.
Waugh says Australia will only agree to the rule if there are electric
wickets at the end, allowing Aussie fielders to throw to the stumps at
either end.

7) A spokesperson for the ICC also announced that following six successive
ducks "from now on Craig White can't get out for a duck".

8) English pace bowler Andy Caddick will also be allowed to wrap the ball's
seam with electrical tape when he's bowling in the second innings.

9) The spokesperson added there will be "no LB" for English batsmen unless
"it is really, really obvious."

10) Shane Warne has conceded that its "fair enough" that he has to bowl
underarm (but not molly grubbers) to the English tail end.

11) If England decides that Steven Harmison is to be given an over, the
umpire will deem the Australian batsmen as dismissed if Harmison lands the
ball anywhere on the pitch. Captain Steve Waugh has no problems with this
change, as the probability of such a dismissal occurring is infinitesimally
small. Despite the changes, Australia remains firm favourites going into the
Ashes Series, paying $0.22, while an English win is currently paying $1.3
trillion.
 

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