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Hilarious BBC England profiles

Barney Rubble

Barney Rubble

International Coach
On the BBC website, these are the profiles giving you a little "extra information" about each of the England team. I can't figure out how to post the pictures, so you'll have to have a look yourselves, but here are the highlights of the player profiles:

Michael Vaughan: is rubbish at dancing, but will dance to "Daydream Believer" by The Monkees.

Marcus Trescothick: only ate steak for the first time when he was 27.

Andrew Strauss: is a bit of a geek - "any interesting set of statistics will keep him up for hours."

Ian Bell: was at Coventry City FC School of Excellence when he was younger.

Kevin Pietersen: represented KwaZulu-Natal at swimming from 1992-93.

Freddie Flintoff: is scared of the dark (!) after watching The Exorcist when he was 9, loves mushy peas with six slices of bread, and would like to play guitar in a band.

Geraint Jones: is a qualified pharmacist.

Ashley Giles: is a 14-handicap golfer.

Matthew Hoggard: is a talented cook, and enjoys long walks in the countryside with his dogs.

Steve Harmison: loves fish and chips, "enjoys lager", and hates shaving.

Simon Jones: takes good care of his skin, and loves ironing.


Some of those are pretty funny in themselves, but to get the real extent of it you have to look at the pictures - can't post a link because it doesn't come up in the address bar, but go to the BBC Sport website and you can look at them. Some of them are classic, especially the ones of Harmison, Giles, Strauss, KP and S Jones.
 
King_Ponting

King_Ponting

International Regular
Barney Rubble said:
On the BBC website, these are the profiles giving you a little "extra information" about each of the England team. I can't figure out how to post the pictures, so you'll have to have a look yourselves, but here are the highlights of the player profiles:

Michael Vaughan: is rubbish at dancing, but will dance to "Daydream Believer" by The Monkees.

Marcus Trescothick: only ate steak for the first time when he was 27.

Andrew Strauss: is a bit of a geek - "any interesting set of statistics will keep him up for hours."

Ian Bell: was at Coventry City FC School of Excellence when he was younger.

Kevin Pietersen: represented KwaZulu-Natal at swimming from 1992-93.

Freddie Flintoff: is scared of the dark (!) after watching The Exorcist when he was 9, loves mushy peas with six slices of bread, and would like to play guitar in a band.

Geraint Jones: is a qualified pharmacist.

Ashley Giles: is a 14-handicap golfer.

Matthew Hoggard: is a talented cook, and enjoys long walks in the countryside with his dogs.

Steve Harmison: loves fish and chips, "enjoys lager", and hates shaving.

Simon Jones: takes good care of his skin, and loves ironing.


Some of those are pretty funny in themselves, but to get the real extent of it you have to look at the pictures - can't post a link because it doesn't come up in the address bar, but go to the BBC Sport website and you can look at them. Some of them are classic, especially the ones of Harmison, Giles, Strauss, KP and S Jones.
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Could have picked the strauss one. With a face like that, he'd have to resort to statistics.
 
Majin

Majin

International Debutant
Poor old Hoggy, he's got one of those faces only a mother could love. =(

Some of those are classic, though. The English cricket team has really bad dress sense. B)
 
Pedro Delgado

Pedro Delgado

International Debutant
Majin said:
Poor old Hoggy, he's got one of those faces only a mother could love. =(

Some of those are classic, though. The English cricket team has really bad dress sense. B)
Click to expand...
Hoggard looks about 18 in that one, just off out on the pull by the looks of him.
 
Majin

Majin

International Debutant
Yeah, but even though he's dressed all suave and he's smiling and happy he still looks scary like an ogre.

"Shrek, some call him." Was the smartest comment Mark Nicholas has ever made.
 
Barney Rubble

Barney Rubble

International Coach
Harmison looks like the lost member of Blazin' Squad in his pic, Simon Jones looks like he's about to cry, Hoggard's wondering where all his hair went, Freddie's wondering where all his hair came from, whilst also looking very smug about the fact that he owns a custom-made sweatshirt, whereas Giles looks like he's in the middle of a distinctly high-brow staring contest.......

:blink:
 
BoyBrumby

BoyBrumby

Englishman
Been trying to think of profiles for the Australian team in a similar vein:

Michael Clarke: Blonde, cheeky-faced, geriatric-backed boy-wonder. Impressive debut, but since failed to scale similar heights. Loves cars, but current contract won't quite stretch to that Ferrari yet. Known as "pup" because he jumps around the dressing room, hopping into people's laps, licking their face & humping their legs.

Matthew Hayden: rather like Proust's A la recherche du temps perdu; massive, intimidating, overrated & not much of a laugh. Has a strong Christian faith & delivers sermons to the oppo on a regular basis.

Anyone else? :D
 
Barney Rubble

Barney Rubble

International Coach
Shane Warne: the highest Test-match wicket-taker of all time, and one of cricket's most eccentric characters to go with it. Likes spiky blonde hair, flared trousers, multicoloured shoes, and shiny earrings - and that's just on his women. Has been known to befriend opposition players in an effort to get them to go easy on him - with varying success. Jibes about his weight are often answered with a wicket.........but he's still a fat b*stard. :D

Ricky Ponting: captain of the side, and one of the world's best batsmen - however, he will not be joining Michael Slater behind the mike when he retires, as he has already lined up a lucrative career as George W. Bush's body double in case of terrorist attacks. This position will be a welcome break from the danger he regularly faces when attempting to hook Steve Harmison's effort ball. He has doubtless been in regular contact with the President recently, as he is beginning to show some of his lookalike's world-reknowned leadership skills.
 
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Barney Rubble

Barney Rubble

International Coach
marc71178 said:
Geraint Jones looks like a woman in his picture!
Click to expand...
Geraint Jones looks like a woman in quite a few pictures, actually. I hope for his sake he never goes for the Hoggard look, follically speaking.
 
I

Isolator

State 12th Man
If anyone's starting a Hoggard cult, I'll join.

Hail the Hoggy-Ogre man! And laugh at the feeble Simon Jones moisturising girlie man!
 
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