Jokes in the Herald Sun

musha_13 · 28-07-2005, 06:50 PM

These jokes were in the Herald Sun today (Melbourne Paper)

Q. What does Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball
almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A. An allrounder. THE BEST cos its true!!!!

Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones
have over the rest of their team-mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.

Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English
batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?
A. Because he was born in England.

Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.

Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English
team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.

Quite funny

steds · 28-07-2005, 06:56 PM

Quite pathetic. If you're to make jokes about the England team, at least try to make them funny jokes.

...but then again Aussies aren't intelligent enough to understand the concept of homour

age_master · 28-07-2005, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steds

...but then again Aussies aren't intelligent enough to understand the concept of homour

please explain homour for us unintelligent Aussies

_Ed_ · 28-07-2005, 08:11 PM

Seen most of them before but this one is great:

Quote:

Originally Posted by musha_13

Q. What does Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

vic_orthdox · 28-07-2005, 09:50 PM

I think that the Hun trot them out every Ashes series.

FaaipDeOiad · 28-07-2005, 11:10 PM

If you needed any further evidence that the Scum stands alongside the Telegraph as the worst paper in Australia, here it is.

crickhowell · 29-07-2005, 01:39 AM

Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones
have over the rest of their team-mates? [/B]
A. At least they can say they're not really English.

Simon Jones isnt really english either

andyc · 29-07-2005, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steds

Quite pathetic. If you're to make jokes about the England team, at least try to make them funny jokes.

...but then again Aussies aren't intelligent enough to understand the concept of homour

but we are intelligent enough to understand the concept of catching

King_Ponting · 29-07-2005, 03:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andyc

but we are intelligent enough to understand the concept of catching

lol

archie mac · 29-07-2005, 04:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steds

Quite pathetic. If you're to make jokes about the England team, at least try to make them funny jokes.

...but then again Aussies aren't intelligent enough to understand the concept of homour

If your going to insult us, at least mention the convict thing, it's about as old and original as most of those jokes.

age_master · 29-07-2005, 04:31 AM

i cant say id heard the first one before, the rest were brought out after the first ashes test last time and probably long before that

steds · 29-07-2005, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andyc

but we are intelligent enough to understand the concept of catching

Brilliant call mate

:applausingpolitelywhilstgrittingteethandmuttering racistcomment:

King_Ponting · 31-07-2005, 11:01 AM

Interesting the songs that the barmy army have come up with this series.......... So hopeful yet so unrealistic

luckyeddie · 31-07-2005, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by age_master

please explain homour for us unintelligent Aussies

What do you call an Aussie with half a brain?
Gifted.

Sorry. I don't know any more.

DJellett · 01-08-2005, 05:30 AM

LOL @ the Jones/Jackson gag....loved it...

28-07-2005, 06:50 PM	#1 (permalink)
musha_13 School Boy/Girl Cricketer Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Warrnambool, Australia Posts: 88	Jokes in the Herald Sun These jokes were in the Herald Sun today (Melbourne Paper) Q. What does Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common? A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason Q. What is the height of optimism? A. An English batsman applying sunscreen. Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket? A. A bat. Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman? A. An allrounder. THE BEST cos its true!!!! Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates? A. At least they can say they're not really English. Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick? A. Three runs in three balls. Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name? A. A bowler. Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen? A. The walk back to the pavilion. Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad? A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats. Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player? A. Because he was born in England. Q. What does "Ashes" stand for? A. Another Sad Horrific English Series. Q. What's the English version of LBW? A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped. Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team? A. The person who ironed the cricket whites. Quite funny

28-07-2005, 11:10 PM	#6 (permalink)
FaaipDeOiad Hall of Fame Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 18,682	If you needed any further evidence that the Scum stands alongside the Telegraph as the worst paper in Australia, here it is. __________________ I know a place where a royal flush Can never beat a pair

29-07-2005, 01:39 AM	#7 (permalink)
crickhowell U19 Vice-Captain Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Wellington, New Zealand Posts: 587	Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates? [/B] A. At least they can say they're not really English. Simon Jones isnt really english either __________________ C'mon COLTS Southern Dynamo Midfielder www.myspace.com/themakeoutkidsnz

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28-07-2005, 06:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
steds Hall of Fame Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Riding public transport back and forth Posts: 16,914	Quite pathetic. If you're to make jokes about the England team, at least try to make them funny jokes. ...but then again Aussies aren't intelligent enough to understand the concept of homour

28-07-2005, 09:50 PM	#5 (permalink)
vic_orthdox Global Moderator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 24,366	I think that the Hun trot them out every Ashes series.

29-07-2005, 04:31 AM	#11 (permalink)
age_master Hall of Fame Member Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia Posts: 15,777	i cant say id heard the first one before, the rest were brought out after the first ashes test last time and probably long before that

31-07-2005, 11:01 AM	#13 (permalink)
King_Ponting International Regular Join Date: May 2005 Location: Western Australia Posts: 3,043	Interesting the songs that the barmy army have come up with this series.......... So hopeful yet so unrealistic

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