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Cricket Jokes # 2

odyssey

Cricket Spectator
There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his which is red from an apparent slap. The Pakistani fan is thinking "Oh God, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she though it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, " That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian fan instead and got slapped." The Indian fan was thinking to himself...."If the train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."
 

odyssey

Cricket Spectator
What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was a Kiwi?
A. An all-rounder. :-)

Q. Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything. :-)

Q. What's the Indian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped. :-)

Q. What do you call an Indian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler

Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

'That was the best innings I ever played,' said the young man.
'Well!' said his captain, 'you mustn't let that discourage you.'

Quotes:

"The crowd is flocking into the ground slowly." - Frank Tyson

"The ball came back to him quickly. Not that quickly." - Greigy

"It was only a brief shower, well, it was briefer than that." - Jim Maxwell
 

SJS

Hall of Fame Member
odyssey said:
What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was a Kiwi?
A. An all-rounder. :-)

Q. Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything. :-)

Q. What's the Indian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped. :-)

Q. What do you call an Indian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler

Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

'That was the best innings I ever played,' said the young man.
'Well!' said his captain, 'you mustn't let that discourage you.'

Quotes:

"The crowd is flocking into the ground slowly." - Frank Tyson

"The ball came back to him quickly. Not that quickly." - Greigy

"It was only a brief shower, well, it was briefer than that." - Jim Maxwell
Brilliant !!
:gora:
 

wpdavid

Hall of Fame Member
odyssey said:
What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was a Kiwi?
A. An all-rounder. :-)

I'm sure the last time I read the Glen Mcgrath joke is was if he was English. Sign of the time, I guess.
 

Slow Love™

International Captain
odyssey said:
There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his which is red from an apparent slap. The Pakistani fan is thinking "Oh God, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she though it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, " That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian fan instead and got slapped." The Indian fan was thinking to himself...."If the train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."
LOL.

And as somebody that's fairly sensitive about racism, I don't see how this is. Have some perspective, people.
 

Buddhmaster

International Captain
odyssey said:
What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was a Kiwi?
A. An all-rounder. :-)

Q. Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything. :-)

Q. What's the Indian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped. :-)

Q. What do you call an Indian with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler

Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Some of these could probably work a bit better right now using the West Indies.
 

Adamc

Cricketer Of The Year
Another England one, a bit out of date though:
What is the name of the English opener? Atherton B. McGrath. :p
 

from_da_lost_di

School Boy/Girl Captain
When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didnt show anything about me in it!". The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show anything about Allan Border in it
 

from_da_lost_di

School Boy/Girl Captain
odyssey said:
There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his which is red from an apparent slap. The Pakistani fan is thinking "Oh God, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she though it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, " That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian fan instead and got slapped." The Indian fan was thinking to himself...."If the train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."

LOL .. BUT THIS IS EVEN FUNNIER ...

A Pakistani and an Indian get into a car accident and it's a
bad one. Both cars are totally demolished but amazingly
neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars,
the pakistani sees the Indians car and asks,"So you're a
Indian, I'm an pakistani. Just Look at our cars. There's
nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
God.God must have meant that we should meet and be friends
and live together in peace the rest of our days." The
Indian replies, "I agree with you completely this must be
a sign from God." The Pakistani continues, "And look at this.
Here's another miracle.

My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Johnny Walker
Black Label didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine
and celebrate our good furtune." Then he hands the bottle to the Indian.
The Indian says: " i dont drink but u know what we will drink to our friendship." He takes a
few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the Pakistani. The pakistan takes the bottle,immediately puts the cap on,and hands it back to the Indian.
The Indian asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The pakistani replies, "No....... I think I'll wait for the police
 

from_da_lost_di

School Boy/Girl Captain
NOTE : GUYS IM SORRY IF ANYONE GETS OFFENDED BY THE JOKES. THEY R JUST TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH .. In order to develop friendly relationship between the
two countries, Vajapai and Musharraf decided to
visit each other's country regularly.The first visit was by
Musharraf to India, There Vajapai showed him
India's modern telecommunication systemsvisited the telecom department and
talked It was so good that Musharraf made a call to Zia-ul-Haq in Hell for 5 minutes.The bill for the call
came to Re.1 When Musharraf came back, he also wanted Pakistan's telecommunication systems to be at the
best when Vajpai visited Pakistan. Suitable arrangements were made. vajapi came to pakistan, visited the telecom department and talked to Rajiv Gandhi in Hell for 5 minutes. But this time,
the bill was only Rs. 500 Vajpai asked with a sarcastic smile
"Why are telephone calls to Hell so costly in pakistan ?" A
High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From India
to Hell , it is a local call, Sir, while from pakitan it is
long distance!".
 
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from_da_lost_di

School Boy/Girl Captain
Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the Cricket life in heaven.
Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him.
He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.
"So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"
Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven."
"And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow's match!"
 

from_da_lost_di

School Boy/Girl Captain
The bowlers were getting a terrible roasting from the opposition's opening batsman.

'Don't worry,' said the ****y young bowler, 'I know his weakness.'

He bowled three balls and every one was smashed over the boundary.

'I see what you mean,' said the captain. 'He's got a weakness for sixes!
 

from_da_lost_di

School Boy/Girl Captain
Q: What is the height of optimism?
A: Ganguly coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.

Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A: The entire Indian innings.

Q: How to increase the chances of Indian batsmen playing out the entire 50 overs?
A: Try giving them two innings to begin with, then try three and so on.

Q: How should John Wright reshuffle the Indian batting order?
A: Move Extras up the order

Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
A: 3 runs in 3 balls

Q: When would Ganguly have 100 runs against his name?
A: When he is bowling.

Q: Where do Indian Batsman perfrom there best?
A: In Advertisments.
 

from_da_lost_di

School Boy/Girl Captain
Once upon a time there was an indian (he was a cricket fan) India was playing a match at wankhede stadium, but on the same day his wife was having a delivery he had no wishes of missing the match so he decided to watch the match and visit his wife later on.

The match began, two quick wickets fell.the fan was dissappointed and he remembered his wife he picked up the phone and quickly dialed number.

He wanted to call the hospital but accidently called up the stadium, he asked the man on the other end thinking him to be the doctor "so what's the result?"

The man replied "It's still in process, two are out nine are left and the last one was a duck!"
 

from_da_lost_di

School Boy/Girl Captain
KUJU said:
salam yar , apna hotmail ka id to day zara aik bat batani hai di yar
AAP WAISEE HI BATA DOO
YA AISAA KAROO KE MUJHE PM KER DOO ..
YA PHIR YAHOO KA APNA ID DE DOO .. MAIN AD KER LOON GAA !
 

KUJU

Banned
yar main wo yahan likh nahi sakta . tum do to sahi . tum jantay ho main kon hoon . or pm nahi ho sakta i guess
 

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