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Thread: Cricket Jokes # 2

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    Cricket Spectator odyssey's Avatar
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    Icon10 Cricket Jokes # 2

    There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his which is red from an apparent slap. The Pakistani fan is thinking "Oh God, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she though it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, " That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian fan instead and got slapped." The Indian fan was thinking to himself...."If the train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."
    "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought."

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    Cricket Spectator odyssey's Avatar
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    What is the height of optimism?
    A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.

    Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was a Kiwi?
    A. An all-rounder. :-)

    Q. Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
    A. Because they never catch anything. :-)

    Q. What's the Indian version of LBW?
    A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped. :-)

    Q. What do you call an Indian with 100 runs against his name?
    A. A bowler

    Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
    A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

    'That was the best innings I ever played,' said the young man.
    'Well!' said his captain, 'you mustn't let that discourage you.'

    Quotes:

    "The crowd is flocking into the ground slowly." - Frank Tyson

    "The ball came back to him quickly. Not that quickly." - Greigy

    "It was only a brief shower, well, it was briefer than that." - Jim Maxwell

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    International Regular twctopcat's Avatar
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    Where the hell is neil????
    R.I.P Fardin Qayyumi (Cricket Player)

    'Last one on drugs is a queer,' yells portillo..
    Hope is a good thing, maybe even the best of things. And no good thing ever dies......
    Self appointed president of the KPPAS

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    SJS
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    Quote Originally Posted by odyssey
    What is the height of optimism?
    A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.

    Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was a Kiwi?
    A. An all-rounder. :-)

    Q. Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
    A. Because they never catch anything. :-)

    Q. What's the Indian version of LBW?
    A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped. :-)

    Q. What do you call an Indian with 100 runs against his name?
    A. A bowler

    Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
    A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

    'That was the best innings I ever played,' said the young man.
    'Well!' said his captain, 'you mustn't let that discourage you.'

    Quotes:

    "The crowd is flocking into the ground slowly." - Frank Tyson

    "The ball came back to him quickly. Not that quickly." - Greigy

    "It was only a brief shower, well, it was briefer than that." - Jim Maxwell
    Brilliant !!


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    International Coach wpdavid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by odyssey
    What is the height of optimism?
    A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.

    Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was a Kiwi?
    A. An all-rounder. :-)

    I'm sure the last time I read the Glen Mcgrath joke is was if he was English. Sign of the time, I guess.

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    International Captain Slow Love™'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by odyssey
    There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his which is red from an apparent slap. The Pakistani fan is thinking "Oh God, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she though it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, " That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian fan instead and got slapped." The Indian fan was thinking to himself...."If the train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."
    LOL.

    And as somebody that's fairly sensitive about racism, I don't see how this is. Have some perspective, people.
    "Youre known for having a liking for men who look like women."
    - Linda

    "FFS I'm sick and tired of having to see a bloke bend over to pick something up or lean over and see their arse crack. For christ's sake pull your pants up or buy some underpants you bogan because nobody want's to see it. And this is a boat building shed (well one of them) not a porn studio."
    - Craig

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    International Captain Slow Love™'s Avatar
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    This thread should probably be in the "Cricket Humor" forum though.

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    International Captain Buddhmaster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by odyssey
    What is the height of optimism?
    A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.

    Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was a Kiwi?
    A. An all-rounder. :-)

    Q. Why don't English fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
    A. Because they never catch anything. :-)

    Q. What's the Indian version of LBW?
    A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped. :-)

    Q. What do you call an Indian with 100 runs against his name?
    A. A bowler

    Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
    A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
    Some of these could probably work a bit better right now using the West Indies.

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    Cricketer Of The Year Adamc's Avatar
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    Another England one, a bit out of date though:
    What is the name of the English opener? Atherton B. McGrath.

  10. #10
    International Captain Buddhmaster's Avatar
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    LOL thats good.

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    School Boy/Girl Captain from_da_lost_di's Avatar
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    When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didnt show anything about me in it!". The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show anything about Allan Border in it

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    School Boy/Girl Captain from_da_lost_di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by odyssey
    There's an Indian cricket fan, a Pakistani cricket fan and a beautiful woman sitting next to each other on a train. The train goes through a tunnel and everything gets dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Indian fan are sitting there looking perplexed. The Pakistani fan is bent over holding his which is red from an apparent slap. The Pakistani fan is thinking "Oh God, that Indian must have tried to kiss this lady, she though it was me and slapped me." The lady is thinking, " That Pakistani fan must have moved to kiss me and kissed the Indian fan instead and got slapped." The Indian fan was thinking to himself...."If the train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Pakistani again."

    LOL .. BUT THIS IS EVEN FUNNIER ...

    A Pakistani and an Indian get into a car accident and it's a
    bad one. Both cars are totally demolished but amazingly
    neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars,
    the pakistani sees the Indians car and asks,"So you're a
    Indian, I'm an pakistani. Just Look at our cars. There's
    nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from
    God.God must have meant that we should meet and be friends
    and live together in peace the rest of our days." The
    Indian replies, "I agree with you completely this must be
    a sign from God." The Pakistani continues, "And look at this.
    Here's another miracle.

    My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Johnny Walker
    Black Label didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine
    and celebrate our good furtune." Then he hands the bottle to the Indian.
    The Indian says: " i dont drink but u know what we will drink to our friendship." He takes a
    few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the Pakistani. The pakistan takes the bottle,immediately puts the cap on,and hands it back to the Indian.
    The Indian asks, "Aren't you having any?"
    The pakistani replies, "No....... I think I'll wait for the police

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    School Boy/Girl Captain from_da_lost_di's Avatar
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    NOTE : GUYS IM SORRY IF ANYONE GETS OFFENDED BY THE JOKES. THEY R JUST TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH .. In order to develop friendly relationship between the
    two countries, Vajapai and Musharraf decided to
    visit each other's country regularly.The first visit was by
    Musharraf to India, There Vajapai showed him
    India's modern telecommunication systemsvisited the telecom department and
    talked It was so good that Musharraf made a call to Zia-ul-Haq in Hell for 5 minutes.The bill for the call
    came to Re.1 When Musharraf came back, he also wanted Pakistan's telecommunication systems to be at the
    best when Vajpai visited Pakistan. Suitable arrangements were made. vajapi came to pakistan, visited the telecom department and talked to Rajiv Gandhi in Hell for 5 minutes. But this time,
    the bill was only Rs. 500 Vajpai asked with a sarcastic smile
    "Why are telephone calls to Hell so costly in pakistan ?" A
    High level diplomat gave a smiling reply - "From India
    to Hell , it is a local call, Sir, while from pakitan it is
    long distance!".
    Last edited by from_da_lost_di; 17-11-2004 at 12:18 AM.

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    School Boy/Girl Captain from_da_lost_di's Avatar
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    Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the Cricket life in heaven.
    Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him.
    He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.
    "So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"
    Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven."
    "And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow's match!"

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    School Boy/Girl Captain from_da_lost_di's Avatar
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    The bowlers were getting a terrible roasting from the opposition's opening batsman.

    'Don't worry,' said the cocky young bowler, 'I know his weakness.'

    He bowled three balls and every one was smashed over the boundary.

    'I see what you mean,' said the captain. 'He's got a weakness for sixes!

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