ICC Inc. We are a filthy organization which has a base in only a few countries but has global aspirations.
In order to strengthen our branches we require qualified applicants for the following positions.
Pie thrower/Pace bowler:
Branch: India
Job Requirements: Must be able to bowl at speeds of 60 mph. Must possess a bouncer. ( can pitch 4 times before it reaches the keeper..but no more). Must be able to work under pressure and hype that touts you as Shoaib akhtars match. Must swing the ball and should not go past "wide third man"
Perks: Will be hailed as the second or third ( cant remember ) coming. If you make only 9 ducks out of 10 innings you can be classified as a allrounder or a agarkar with more chances to prove ur unworthiness.
Pay: Sky is the limit.
Opening Batsmen:
Branch: India
Job Requirements: We dont care. You could be a batsmen or a bowler or a hardcore criminal. Each time we go on a overseas buisness trip we need some one thats all. If can find the handle of a bat then you are the man.
Perks: Will be hailed as the next gavaskar. But eventually you will be dropped. So dont bother with the negotiations
Pay: Standard with 401k package.
Player:
Branch: England
Job Requirements: When you hold the ball your position is called as bowler and you will be called the batsmen when you hold the bat. (Alternatively you will be referred as botham or WG Grace too). Since anyways you will get your ass kicked by the aussies dont worry too much about performance.
But our biggest requirement will be that you keep and straight face and not chuckle when the company ( english) media praises you.
Loud moaners and champion whiners preffered.
Perks: You can learn on the job about quality whining which will help you in future endeavours in england. you get a free insult each time you play in the "Ashes"
Pay: Kinda ok...but if you need money we can always go on a tour to our branch in india.
Bowler:
Branch: Srilanka
Job Requirements: Must be capable of throwing (edit: bowling) a ball in every manner except the way advised in our manual. It is ok if you still suck. You must have risen through the ranks so that your action is corrected to be defined a perfect throw. (edit: bowling)
Perks: Will get good home support and lots of praises about your puritan action from england and aussie press. ( they just bark so dont worry). Eventually you will be allowed to continue courtesy Pope John-Mohan Dalmiya I ( actually the only one..)
Pay: This is the sub continent dude...yeah you make the bucks...but if you need money we can always go on a tour to our branch in india.
Media hot shot:
Branch: Australia,england
Job Requirements: We are very flexible regarding location. Must whine a lot. Must be able to construct sentences longer than 10 words. Logic not preffered...if you have traces of conscience it will be wiped clean once you start. Must also be able to dig dirt on all players.
Perks: Get to read shane warne's dirty messages. Not much effort required for articles the players produce enough rubbish...just edit them to meet our high standards.
Pay: If you need money we can always go on a tour to our branch in india.
This is just meant to be a joke..so take it with a pinch of salt. If ou guys like it i will try to write more as and when i find time...
cheers
In order to strengthen our branches we require qualified applicants for the following positions.
Pie thrower/Pace bowler:
Branch: India
Job Requirements: Must be able to bowl at speeds of 60 mph. Must possess a bouncer. ( can pitch 4 times before it reaches the keeper..but no more). Must be able to work under pressure and hype that touts you as Shoaib akhtars match. Must swing the ball and should not go past "wide third man"
Perks: Will be hailed as the second or third ( cant remember ) coming. If you make only 9 ducks out of 10 innings you can be classified as a allrounder or a agarkar with more chances to prove ur unworthiness.
Pay: Sky is the limit.
Opening Batsmen:
Branch: India
Job Requirements: We dont care. You could be a batsmen or a bowler or a hardcore criminal. Each time we go on a overseas buisness trip we need some one thats all. If can find the handle of a bat then you are the man.
Perks: Will be hailed as the next gavaskar. But eventually you will be dropped. So dont bother with the negotiations
Pay: Standard with 401k package.
Player:
Branch: England
Job Requirements: When you hold the ball your position is called as bowler and you will be called the batsmen when you hold the bat. (Alternatively you will be referred as botham or WG Grace too). Since anyways you will get your ass kicked by the aussies dont worry too much about performance.
But our biggest requirement will be that you keep and straight face and not chuckle when the company ( english) media praises you.
Loud moaners and champion whiners preffered.
Perks: You can learn on the job about quality whining which will help you in future endeavours in england. you get a free insult each time you play in the "Ashes"
Pay: Kinda ok...but if you need money we can always go on a tour to our branch in india.
Bowler:
Branch: Srilanka
Job Requirements: Must be capable of throwing (edit: bowling) a ball in every manner except the way advised in our manual. It is ok if you still suck. You must have risen through the ranks so that your action is corrected to be defined a perfect throw. (edit: bowling)
Perks: Will get good home support and lots of praises about your puritan action from england and aussie press. ( they just bark so dont worry). Eventually you will be allowed to continue courtesy Pope John-Mohan Dalmiya I ( actually the only one..)
Pay: This is the sub continent dude...yeah you make the bucks...but if you need money we can always go on a tour to our branch in india.
Media hot shot:
Branch: Australia,england
Job Requirements: We are very flexible regarding location. Must whine a lot. Must be able to construct sentences longer than 10 words. Logic not preffered...if you have traces of conscience it will be wiped clean once you start. Must also be able to dig dirt on all players.
Perks: Get to read shane warne's dirty messages. Not much effort required for articles the players produce enough rubbish...just edit them to meet our high standards.
Pay: If you need money we can always go on a tour to our branch in india.
This is just meant to be a joke..so take it with a pinch of salt. If ou guys like it i will try to write more as and when i find time...
cheers
