The more punishing the better. It's all well and good to say last time was good for the game, but that's a load of old cobblers.
Try telling that to those of us who sat up and watched every ball of the dross that our blokes dished out and had to put up with all those Poms who get success once every 25 years on a sporting field strutting around like they actually have ever done anything good for the game other than invent it.
No, give them a horrible, punishing caning from ball one I say.
Let's see how much reverse swing they get now the old, mysterious XXX mints have been banned from change rooms, a rumour they have never even sought to comment on, let alone deny.
Let them come out here and field when it's 35 degrees celsius and 88% humidity and not
be allowed to trot off to the lav for a break after sending down a punishing 4 over spell, all the while getting coaching tips because they couldn't remember what they were told to do less than 2 hours earlier.
Let their supporters go wild when their much-vaunted so-called big hitters top edge a hook shot and it doesn't go for six 15 rows back to be caught by one of 15,000 soap dodgers in the crowd, but rather lands comfortably in a fielder's hands 25 metres in from the fence cheered on by between 50,000 and 100,000 Aussies, because we don't play on grounds the size of postage stamps over here.
Let umpires Bucknor, Bowden and Dar not be allowed to stand in a test until they swear affidavits to the effect that they are aware that they were horribly influenced by the crowds last time and that they are now aware of the difference between a batsman being lbw and a batsman hitting the ball so hard into his pad that the fielding team is concerned with trying to catch it rather than appeal. In Billy's case he must also swear that he now knows that if a ball hit's a batsman's glove when the hand is not on the bat, then it's not out and you are therefore not entitled to smilingly deliver the worst moment in a country's sporting history. He must also swear that he is now aware that the game is not about him but rather the 22 players who are actually paid to play it (unlikely but hopeful on the last one).
Let the only England players who succeed out here be the ones who aren't from England - Strauss and Pieterson, coz then the Poms can't take credit for them, and frankly nor should they.
As you may be able to tell, I'm over what happened last year, and am really just hoping for a good series. It's late, I've spent all day at my twins' 5th birthday party with 35 kids under 6, I've got a headache, and I have to work tomorrow, which explains this rant.
For what it's worth, I actually do hope it's a good series, but the thought of England maintaining a consistently good standard in any sport for as long as 18 months is anathema to their culture and their creed, so we will win.
, something that hasn't happened enough in the last 3 years
. It's time to quite seeing the trend bucked, and for things to go back to normal. 
