Hall of Fame Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Derby, England
18 February, West Indies v Bangladesh, Benoni
Chris Gayle (West Indies)
With Wavell Hinds and Extras going along quite nicely at a run a ball, the previously immobile Chris Gayle lurched into life, only to swat a regulation half-volley from Manjural Islam straight to Sanwar Hossain at cover. A creditable five balls. At least Chris's namesake had two hits in her career. It certainly made Carl 'butterfingers' Hooper's brown eyes blue, Crystal. I bet he'll be talking in his sleep tonight - 'zzzzzz fancy opening next game, Ricardo?'
DD rating - 3 lilypads
Vasbert Drakes (West Indies)
Some dismissals are comic, some are unfortunate, some are careless, some are tragic. This one falls into a new category altogether - 'Vasbert'. Three balls into his innings, the hero of Cape Town, surely one of the greatest players ever to don the maroon of the Calypso Kings, played an immaculate drive to mid-off. Seldom have I seen a ball struck more sweetly in my entire life. Mohammad Rafique sneakily pretended to lose the ball behind him and Drakes, with the sun having made a brief if unexpected appearance through the murk and shining straight into his eyes, called Ridley Jacobs through for what should have been, 99 times out of 100, a regulation single. Jacobs, impassive as ever, allowed the great all-rounder to get three quarters of the way down before sending him back, at which point, horror of horrors, all the studs from his right boot, which had been sneakily loosened in the changing room by a desperate Chris Gayle, fell out. Seeing the unfortunate Drakes unable to turn quickly on the rain-sodden surface, two fielders quite deliberately ran into his way to obstruct his path as the brilliant Barbadian valiantly tried to regain his ground. He made it, too, by a clear yard. Not only that, the wicket-keeper broke the wicket before he had control of the ball and the umpire had already called 'dead ball'. The third umpire, Billy Bowden, too busy practicing his ludicrous signals or basking in his new-found fame having been interviewed last week by Devil Ducky to pay attention to his monitor, gave him out in what amounted to a flagrant disregard of his supposed impartiality. To avoid controversy in a World Cup which has already been drawn far too deeply through the mud, Vasbert Drakes sacrificed himself for the good of the game.
DD rating - 6 lilypads
Breadcrumb moment - the slip cordon (West Indies)
Once again, we turn to modern technology in order to bring you the cricket from just about as close as it gets. Today, we use the DevilDucky stump-mic (pat pending) to give you a feel of what it is like to be part of the camaraderie of a 'team within a team' - the West Indian slip cordon.
<Carl Hooper> Looks like rain, lads. I reckon Duckworth-Lewis might come into the equation a little later in the day. Now keep on your toes and for goodness sake don't drop anything. I'm looking at you, Crystal.
<Chris Gayle> (for it is he) Oops, sorry skip. The sun was in my eyes a bit I think and the ball's a bit slippy.
<Carl> OK, Chris. Bad luck. These things happen. Now remember what I told you the other day - if you are fielding at second slip, watch the ball from the bowlers hand. Don't watch the edge of the bat - that's what great first-slippers (like me) do.
<Chris> Right, skip. Thanks for the advice. (shouts) Sorry, Vasbert.
<Vasbert Drakes> mutter, mutter, brown eyes'll be black and blue if you do it again mutter mutter.
<Carl> I've had second thoughts, Chris. You go to first slip and I'll stand at second. Now watch the edge of the bat - watch the edge of the bat all the time. Let your reactions do the rest - like the other day when Brian told you it was your round - and you'd just gone to the toilet.
<Chris> Righto - I've got it. Watch the edge of the bat, watch the edge of the bat, watch the edge of the bat, watch th....
<Carl> ...e edge of the bat what am I doing, what am I doing?
<Mervyn Dillon> Bad luck, skipper.
<Chris> (s******) Yes, bad luck, skip.
<Carl> Don't just stand there saying 'watch the edge of the bat, you pudding.'
<Chris> (barely containing himself) sorry.
<Merv> If you drop another one off me you'll end up with a bigger gap in your front teeth than... (fades into the distance)
<Carl> Feel any rain in the air?
<Chris> I think I felt a few spots. Nothing to worry about though. Just a drop....
<Chris> (crying with laughter) B-b-b-bad luck, skip. Would you be happier going back to first?
<Carl> I thought that you were going for that one
<Chris> It was yours
<Carl> I mean, I thought Ridley was going for it...
<Chris and Ridley Jacobs together> No, skip - it was yours.....
Carl plods forlornly after the ball.
<Vasbert> Bad luck skip (turns to walk back to his mark) **** ******* **** **** Hooper wouldn't have ******* happened if I'd been captain. Idiot'd be down at third man where he...
<Carl> What was that, Vas?
<Vasbert> Nothing, skipper.
<Carl> Let's swop again, Chris. I think you've learned your lesson now.
<Chris> (whispers) ****.
<Chris> OK, skip. No problem.
Nigel Clough's Black and White Army, beating Forest away with 10 men