[luckyeddie]

<quack>

14 February, Sri Lanka v Bangladesh, Pietermaritzburg

Hannan Sarkar (Bangladesh)

Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Hannan Sarkar takes guard to the first ball of the day - a delightful inswinger from the Colts CC leftie. Hannan Sarkar flails without a deal of foot movement and the off peg is rattled. To tell the truth, so are Bangladesh. Not a good start.
DD rating - 6.5 lilypads

Mohammad Ashraful (Bangladesh)

Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Mohammad Ashraful takes guard to the second ball of the day - a delightful inswinger from the Colts CC leftie. Mohammad Ashraful thinks "Ah, the same as Hannan just got" - but not quite! This delivery is a cleverly disguised slower one. The batsman plays a little too soon and Vaas takes a smart return catch high over his head. Definitely not a good start.
DD rating - 5 lilypads

Ehsanul Haque (Bangladesh)

Chaminda Vaas is opening the bowling from the Duzi End. Ehsanul Haque takes guard to the third ball of the day - a delightful inswinger...
<luckyeddie> Are you using automatic commentary-writing software, Devil Ducky?
<DD> zzzzzzzzzzzz.
....... from the Colts CC leftie. Ehsanul Haque thinks "We've been here before. I know just what to do...". Actually, we haven't. It's there for the drive, but pushed across the batsman a little. Ehsanul thinks about a slash through the covers (perhaps he should have gone before he came out to bat) but eventually decides to push down the line. The ball takes the outside edge and flies to Mahela Jayawardene at second slip. HAT TRICK!!!!! Cue the bowler to run around like a lemon playing 'Aeroplanes'. Wait a tick. HAT TRICK!!!! HAT TRICK!!! More to the point, THREE DUCKS!!! Bangladesh don't need me to tell them they are in trouble big-time. Chaminda Vaas thinks this wicket is a Duzi.
DD rating - 9 lilypads (Nathan Astle, your moment in the sun has ended)

Breadcrumb moment - Chaminda Vaas (Sri Lanka)

Abdul Hannan Sarkar bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0
Mohammad Ashraful caught and bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0
Ehsanul Haque caught Denagamage Proboth Mahela de Silva Jayawardene bowled Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas 0

Breadcrumb moment - Brent Fraser 'Billy' Bowden (with thanks to John Cleese for giving me the idea)

<quack> With the game finishing early, I took the opportunity to interview Kiwi extrovert and general good egg Billy Bowden a few moments after the game.

<DD> Mr Bowden, I should like to thank you for taking time to talk to your fans at Cricket Web.
<BB> A pint of 'Whistling Weasel Pale Ale,' please, barman
<DD> Mr Bowden.... Mr Bowden...... Oi, Billy!!
<BB> What?
<DD> Allow me to pay for that (hands 100 Rand over) and two slices of bread soaked in 'Pickled Pig Porter' please - keep the change!
<BB> Can we go over to that quiet corner of the bar? I don't wish to be seen in public being interviewed by any duck, let alone you, Devil Ducky.
<DD> Thank you, Billy. It is all right to call you Billy, is it?
<BB> Of course. Everyone in cricket calls my Billy.
<DD> Thank you. You were born in Auckland, New Zealand?
<BB> Yes, a suburb called 'Henderson'.
<DD> When was that?
<BB> 1963, DD. On the 11th of April.
<DD> Ah, yes. That makes you an Aries, doesn't it?
<BB> Yes.
<DD> Aries. The Ram.
<BB> Yes!
<DD> And you are from New Zealand.
<BB> (hesitates) er, yeeeees?
<DD> Is Aries a common star sign among New Zealanders?
<BB> Right, stop that now.
<DD> Stop what?
<BB> This line of questioning.... I'm going - now!
<DD> Tell me about your cricketing background, Mr Bowden
<BB> What?
<DD> I understand that you played cricket as a boy
<BB> No more sheep gags?
<DD> I promise!
<BB> Well, I played schoolboy cricket to a fairly high level but when I was 21 I developed rheumatoid arthritis. I played on for a few years but it was a struggle.
<DD> What made you turn to umpiring?
<BB> A single incident. I was bowling to a young slugger one day. I remember that, first ball of the over, he hit the ball back at me like a bullet. Never had chance to move - ball hit me slap bang right between the eyes.
<DD> That's it, is it? The defining moment?
<BB> Not quite. Third ball, I tried my slower one. Batsman took one pace down the wicket, hit the ball back at me like a bullet. Never had chance to move - ball hit me slap bang right between the eyes.
<DD> And?
<BB> Last ball, a quicker one. Batsman played back, hit the ball back at me like a bullet - never had chance to move - couldn't protect myself - hit me slap bang right between the eye eye eye eye eye b-b-b-b-b-b.
<DD> Amazing!
<BB> Of course, I was getting used to it by then.
<DD> Another beer?
<BB> Please.
<DD> These extraordinary signals of yours....
<BB> You mean when I'm umpiring...
<DD> No, just then, when you were trying to catch the barman's eye
<BB> Touch of cramp, I think.
<DD> I'm just going to put a few Rand in the juke box. Can I select anything for you?
<BB> Something by Buddy Holly and the Crickets, please.
<DD> Ah yes. Very funny.
<BB> I'm sorry?
<DD> Mr Bowden, cricketing umpire extraordinaire, Cricket Web thanks you for your time.