What I did on my summer holiday

[marc71178]

What I did on my summer holiday By Theo Walcott Esq aged 8 1/2


I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do.

In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.

On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.

Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them.

Uncle Sol got me some pop.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.

While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it.

All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.

The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.

Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.

All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebodys spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.

[Xuhaib]

Looks like marc### just visited the dugout forum.

Marc if you are pasting something from another forum atleast have the decency to mention it.

[marc71178]

Never been on that forum in my life.

[Xuhaib]

so u mean this is your own creative work?

[Craig]

One of those e-mails that do the rounds?

[marc71178]

Yes, an email.

[GIMH]

I don't think anyone would have thought Marc wrote that himself in all fairness

[Sanz]

Originally Posted by marc71178

What I did on my summer holiday By Theo Walcott Esq aged 8 1/2


I went to a place called Germany with my Uncle Sven and some other grown up's. It is a country in Europe where a bad man called Adolf used to live with his nazties, he does not live there anymore, Uncle Owen does live there, and the grown up's say I cant talk about the bad man as it will make Uncle Owen cry if I do.

In Germany there are lots of castles and some mountains. We are staying in a place called Baden Baden that's a silly name, Uncle Frank has the same name as his dad, that's silly too, his mum must get their underpants mixed up all the time.

On the aeroplane Uncle Sol sat next to me, he got me some toffee and wants to be my friend, he works at the place where I do my YTS, so does Uncle Freddy but him and Uncle Sol are not best friends anymore.

Uncle Owen met us at the airport, he talks foreign, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Steven and Uncle David also talk funny, my mum says Uncle David talks like Orville, he is a duck, Uncle Sol say's uncle David wears dresses and knickers, and asked me if I had ever worn them.

Uncle Sol got me some pop.

In Germany the grown ups are going to play football, my grandad says we beat them in the olden days before my mum was born. That is a long time ago.

While the grown up's went to play football so I went shopping with Auntie Vicky and some other girls she bought me a big ice cream and got herself a little one but she said she was full before she had eaten any and threw it away. She bought lots of shoes and handbags and let me play with Brooklyn. She say's she used to be in a pop band and sang me one of her songs, I think she was telling fibs.

I told Uncle Sol about my day out with Vicky and he sulked, then he bought me an even bigger ice cream with lots of hundred's & thousands on it.

All the other grown up's have a girlfriend except Uncle Sol so he plays with me while they go out. Uncle Sven says I must keep Uncle Sol happy, that's why I got taken on holiday.

The grown up's went to play Football against somebody called Sweden, Uncle Sol was crying as Uncle Freddy played for them and would not talk to him. Uncle Sol bought me lots of toffee today and some crisps. Uncle Sven is from Sweden and I heard him on the phone to their boss last night. Uncle Michael hurt his knee and had to go home to his mum for a plaster. Uncle Peter is a giant, a proper giant like you see in books, he is rubbish at football though.

Uncle Wayne had a sore toe at the start of out holiday but it got better so they let him play football. Uncle Sol got me a present but I do not like it. He says all Germans wear leather underpants and I should while we are here, they are too tight for me.

All the grown up's started to call Uncle Wayne a potato head who stood on somebodys spuds. He got shouted at by the referee. They are all saying that we have to go home now. Uncle Sol was crying again and I had to sit on his knee to make him stop. He had his mobile phone in his pocket, I think.

No. of words in this post = no of words in all other posts by marc.

[Goughy]

'tis funny though

[Xuhaib]

Is Sol Cambell from the other side??

[marc71178]

Originally Posted by Sanz

No. of words in this post = no of words in all other posts by marc.

Hence nobody would believe I wrote it.

[Pratters]

Originally Posted by marc71178

Hence nobody would believe I wrote it.

Plus zero sarcasm in the post.

[TT Boy]

Originally Posted by Xuhaib

Is Sol Cambell from the other side??

He bats for them.

[marc71178]

Originally Posted by Pratyush

Plus zero sarcasm in the post.

I'm sarcastic?!

[marc71178]

And there's another one, not as good I'm afraid, but worth a read:

F.I.F.A. - Disciplinary Council

Appeal Case 3521 - Wayne Rooney (England) Red Card vs Portugal (01/07/06)


Please state below your reason for appeal against the disciplinary action taken against you on the given date:


My Apeel by Wane Roony (age 19).

On Satdy Julie 1st I woz playin footy for Ingland aginst Porchergil in Gelson Gelshi, Jerminy in the Werld Cup Cworter-finals. It woz ded hot an norra lorra chancis had been made by harf time, tho Mr Erriksin sed we woz doin sound like an if we just kept doin wot we'd dun then weed win.

Anyway, the sekind arf started an David Bekkim ad to cum off, so he started cryin cos he's a big soft suthin tart and he weres his mississ nikkers an evrythin. After about an hour had gon an it woz still nil-nil, I got the ball in midfield like and thees too derty Portchergize gets cum flyin inter me, but the reff never give a fowl (But he woz an Arjinteenian, so wot jer expect?).

I struggild ter get loooose an in the kofushiun I muster akserdently stud on that Carvellios boli cobli testerkils but it woz an akserdint and that's the gods onnist trooth cros me hart an ope to dye. I didn't no ide dun it, I swer on me mam's life! An yer no wot all them
forriniz is like, thee start winjin if yer luk at them funny. Anyway, I'v ad werse than that playin for Croccy Comp an I didn start cryin like Coleeen wen the shops is shut. Them Porchegeeze is CHEETERS an a bunch of quegs an all.

Necst thing that Cristyano Ronnaldoe (not the fat Brizilyan feller) - hoose supposed to be me mate at Man Yernitid, is runnin to the reff an grassin' me up and evrythink. An, of korse, with the reff been an Arjee he just sends me off - burr I didn cry like that girl Bekkim, I walked off like wot a mans supposed to do and Jayme Carrigers sayin
"don wurry Wane, lad we'll kik is bleedin leggs off for yer."

Anyway, thats worr happened and that's not one word of lie there lad, onist, on me nans grave its troo. Downt believe wot the reff sez cos heez a cheetin Arjee and orl them Porchergeeze is lyars - and that Ronaldo's ded lad, I'm teelin yers that fer free. Are kids orlreddy gone down to is owse in wimslow and rote "GRASS" in ded big lettis on
the worls and me owl girl sez if she sees that Ronalodes ma in the Yernitid Players Lownge she'll birst her.

So if yer take the kard away I'll be ded grateful and me da will get yis a pint in next time youse is in the Cherry Tree on the Lanks.

Luv

Wane
XXX